(jenlisa one shots/ slow updates)
"In a world full of praise, I'm in love with the chaos inside her heart".
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One shots of Jenlisa.
Note: This book contains gxg and g!p one shots, all written by me.
When I walked out of that room that day, there was nothing but pain lingering inside of my chest.
It wasn't just crying; it was the kind of desolate sobbing that comes from someone who has lost all hope.
I sank to my knees, unconcerned about the damp mud that stained my dress or the people who walked past me.
My tears mingled with the rain, and my gasping wails echoed.
The pain that flowed from me was just as obvious.
The frigid fall wind and the helpless tears streaming down my face made it difficult for me to keep it in. I looked up to the watery skies and heaven beyond, struggling to keep my tears silent..
Because I had to convince myself that I didn't love her. I had no choice but to believe she wasn't mine.
To look out the window every time and try not to think about her cuddles and her goodnight kisses.
Never been the one who was good at letting her guards down, yet here I am.
In love with her.
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Lisa enters my room, with her hands behind her back looking so flawless. I ignored the pace of my heart and continued reading the book that I was obviously not interested in anymore.
"I miss you".
I looked up at her.
Her body was shaky, and she looked like she was on the verge of breaking down.
"You know, I'm not strong enough without you.", I heard Lisa say as tears streamed down her face. Reality hit me. Why am I feeling this way?
Lisa was the girl who chose to always smile and do whatever it takes to keep me going, yet I was a coward who chose to hide.
I can't help myself from hiding.
"I miss you, Jennie."
"How many more times are you going to say this?". I questioned, trying to hide the emotions that were bottled up inside of me.
"Obviously not anymore because you clearly don't care". Her words broke me too, but I didn't know how to ever approach my emotions.
"I'm the one who doesn't care?" I studied her face and asked again, "Is that how you see me?".
"You don't even want to be here anymore, or be around me". Lisa swallowed hard and wiped the tears off her face.
I felt tears reach the surface of my eyes and became more frustrated as the situation between us escalated because she just didn't get it, I closed the book and blinked at her while asking, "You think that's fair for you to say?".
"Yes, the only time you want to be with me is when you're horny or lonely."
"Shut it, Lisa!". I swallowed hard.
Her dark eyes locked with mine for the first time since she got here, forcing sudden yet sharp yank to appear in my heart.
Those beautiful brown eyes hold mine. In a matter of seconds, I feel my heart weaken.
"What, Jennie? Running away from the truth?". Lisa raised a brow, "Are you just going to keep avoiding me?".
"Oh yeah, it's all my fault, now right?". I gritted my teeth, "Who would've thought?".
"I've never said that, Jennie. But at least try..".
I sighed heavily, "Why would I even bother anymore? Whatever I do pisses you off-".
"It doesn't piss me off, it hurts me you fucking idiot!".
"Don't you get it?" Lisa lashed at my face, and it caught me off guard, but I got up.
Tears welled up in my eyes and silently began to stream down my hot cheeks as my heart pounded loudly against my aching chest. "Get what Lisa?".
"You only want me when it's convenient for you. We never talk, you only give me one-worded answers, always want my hands on you when you're horny. It was all for lust..".
"What have we become?".
I leaned forward to wipe a tear stuck on her cheek as my eyes softened. My fingertip brushed lightly against her skin and pulled back as soon as she leaned in closer to me.
"It's hell, you know?". My voice came out in whispers, "Loving you in my sleep but always waking up alone."
Lisa stepped closer, staring deep into my soul, "But I always left for a reason". She looked away, "I couldn't stand lying next to you, knowing you aren't mine, Jennie, that's why I'm never there when the sun is out".
Brown eyes meet mine as her sharp words dig into my heart, "You don't care, so why should I?".
Lisa's words enter as deep into my chest as they possibly could. From the regretful glance in her eyes, I knew she didn't mean it, but it didn't stop me from shooting back even more hurtful words to get even.
"Your assumptions of me, don't define the truth". I clenched my jaw and looked into her eyes as I spoke.
"Every time I woke up and realized that you weren't there, I pretended to be asleep. Because I was afraid of waking up in a reality that will become overwhelming".
"It was so hard to accept it, Lisa..". I swallowed hard.
"To accept what?". Her face inches closer.
"My feelings for you..". I answered.
But there she stands in silence.
"Took you long enough". Lisa softly spoke. "And for once I can see hope in your eyes, Nini..".
Her eyes mocked me.
I felt like I was trapped in a cage.
For someone to see my emotions.. to read me like an open book; that scares me.
Isn't that why I always ran away and chose to hurt her?
"But that hope..". Lisa breathed heavily and stepped away.
My tears fell endlessly.
My chest tightened.
And that's when I realized that Lisa wasn't going to catch me.
"That hope is dangerous for a broken heart, Jennie".
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