Under your skin
Feel my blood flow with yours
My heart beat with yours
Sharing this body as one
Save me as I save you
This skin holds enough room for two
Under my skin
I belong with you
As you belong with me
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"I want you to practice some mind tricks. I know this will be more difficult because this was taken from you at such a young age. But I want you, to try for me and for the sake of you. To think back to that time, you're a little girl and you have no idea what sex is. Just that thought."
I sat across from the woman as she gave me her form of "therapy". I had little faith in this stuff. But I did have a problem and I needed to fix it.
"Hold onto that. Grasp your virginity. It belongs to you, and when you're ready to. You say when you're ready to give it away. Remember when you lived without it be you didn't even know it existed."
I nodded at her. I thought it was bullshit but I wouldn't tel her that.
"You're thinking it's not going to work."
I looked up at her and she laughed.
"That's okay. Most people don't think these tricks will work. Hayden I'm telling you, if you apply it and you try. You're going to make it to the 3 month mark. Once people hit 90 days....the world is theirs to control. Abstinence is going to help you."
"But like....full abstinence. Like I can't even-"
"No pleasure. None with a partner, none given to yourself. Not even you giving to someone else. Any action will reset you. This is your fresh start."
I sunk into the chair.
"Talk to me."
"Ive never gone more than 3 days without having sex. Well usually. Now it's been 3 weeks. But I did...uh."
"You can say masturbate, nobody is going to give you a ticket."
She caused me to laugh and I repositioned myself in my seat.
"I just don't know if I can do it."
"You can. If you follow the plan. You're going to what?"
I sighed and tapped my fingers against my knee.
"Abstain for 90 days. No sex, no personal touch, no sexual touch to anyone else."
"And?"
"Look myself in the mirror and tell myself that I'm strong and I can do it."
"Why?"
"Because I'm in control...of my body. And who has access to me."
She smiled at me and nodded.
"Exactly. Hayden you don't have to have sex to feel good. The same way you didn't need the cocaine. You were so excited to show me your artwork and they're beautiful. Use that. If you're feeling that urge, whip out that sketch pad. You said you like to write music...so write music. Do what you do, and be content."
