Under your skin
Feel my blood flow with yours
My heart beat with yours
Sharing this body as one
Save me as I save you
This skin holds enough room for two
Under my skin
I belong with you
As you belong with me
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I paced back and forth in the bathroom. Biting my nails. I knew it was semi-possible but also never really thought it would happen. Maybe it didn't happen, maybe it's all in my head. It seemed impossible.
The timer on my phone beeped and I froze, turning to look at the sink. I rubbed my hands together and walked closer to the counter.
For the past week I had been nauseous, sleepy, irritable and whatever else. After telling Vanessa about it she wondered if I was pregnant. But I explained to her that, that was very very slim. As to which she replied, "you'll never know until you take a test."
I was terrified. For myriad reasons.
1. I was told I would probably never be able to carry a baby to full term.
2. If I was pregnant, I didn't want to go through such a loss.
3. Xavier and I technically still weren't together.
4. Xavier and I were still young.
5. We were going to college and there were other things at focus.
I groaned and placed my hands on the counter. I felt the pregnancy test under my fingertips and I took a deep breathe before opening my eyes.
It was like all the air got knocked out of me and I trembled, lifting the white stick in my hand.
Positive
I swallowed the big lump in my throat and let the tears fall freely down my face.
Was I supposed to be happy? Excited? How could I knowing the end result? I was probably never going to meet this baby. Be able to hold my child or see it's beautiful smile. I know it would be beautiful.
Thoughts came crashing back to Xavier and I at the hotel 4 weeks ago. I'm sure that's when this baby was made.
God, what am I supposed to do?
I gripped the test in hand and left my bathroom, walking into the hallway and staring across at Xaviers door.
I had to tell him. I had to tell him now. Even if I never give birth to this baby, right now it exists within me and he needed to know that. Come what may.
I knocked on his door heavily and his voice called out from the other side. "Come in!"
I swallowed my spit again, twisting the knob and pushing into his room. Shutting the door behind me quickly.
"Hayden....babygirl you okay?"
"I'm pregnant." I got out quickly and stared at him blankly.
He blinked a couple times before standing up and walking towards me. He grabbed my hand softly and pried the test from it, staring at it with his own two eyes. I saw a small flow of tears building up in his eyes and he cleared his throat.
