Under Your Skin

21

I hadn't been in New York since my mom died. I didn't even think through being able to come here when I said yes to that lawyer lady. I did my best to explain to Tía without giving too much of Hayden's business out. And she allowed me to come in support. I was grateful she did, because Hayden needed me there. She just wanted me back in time for Christmas, which I would be.

I needed to talk to Hayden about what happened the other night but it didn't feel like this was the appropriate time. I wasn't even sure if she was fully aware what happened...we both were too caught up. I had to leave the next morning so I could go home and pack, and Mrs.T said Hayden had practically locked herself in her room. She wouldn't answer my calls so I never got to say what was necessary.

It was too late for her to take a Plan B, the only prayer now was that she didn't get pregnant. I paid attention in Sex Ed, and women can't get pregnant 24/7. Most of the time, it's a timing thing. I just hope the timing was off, or we'd be in a serious situation. Hayden wasn't ready to be a mother and I wasn't ready to be a father.

The hotel room opened and Hayden walked in, food in hand and a small smile on her face.

"I got you a burger."

I stood with a smile on my face and grabbed the bag from her hand. Kissing her forehead, I heard her giggle.

"Thank you baby."

"No problem."

I say the food on the nightstand and looked at Hayden as she sat down. I took a seat next to her and grabbed her hand.

"We gotta talk."

"No we don't." She tilted her head and looked at me before sighing. "You should eat."

"Hayden, I'm serious."

"Xavier we don't have to talk. I know....and there's nothing to worry about. Okay?"

She tried to walk off but I pulled her back towards me and sat her down.

"Explain. Since you know everything."

She frowned and used her thumb to wrap the back of my hand.

"I never told you everything about my...assault."

She paused and I waited nervously. I don't understand what her assault had to do with me talking to her about her possibly getting pregnant.

"One of the times....I ended up pregnant. I was like 12, about to turn 13 and this was honestly right before I told my mom about Jaylen. I didn't tell her for like 2 months because I was terrified. When I did, that started this whole thing....to where we are now. But I didn't know that the pregnancy was ectopic. Amidst all the court hearings I had to have a surgery to....abort the baby I guess. It wasn't going to survive and the bigger it got, the more damage it was to me. But umm....there's really...really slim chance for me ever having kids. I can possibly get pregnant but it's really just....nonexistent. And if I did....they told me I probably wouldn't be able to carry a full term baby." She stopped and cleared her throat. "So no. We don't need to talk about what happened in the shower. We don't need to game plan. Because I'm....so damaged. Inside and out. And I didn't tell you because I don't know how you feel about children but I didn't want that to change anything about us. I love you....and I just didn't wanna lose you."