Under Your Skin

14

"Xavier asked me to be his girlfriend."

Polly gave me an excited smile, clapping her hands together softly.

"That's wonderful. You said yes?"

"Of course."

I twiddled with my fingers, a smile still across my lips.

"Tell me how you feel about it. You wouldn't be messing with your thumb if you didn't have thoughts."

I stopped abruptly and scoffed with a smile. I forgot we figured out my tells. I always ended up messing with my fingers or looking at my hands when I was holding in an opinion.

"Do you think I moved too fast? Or he did? Like...I don't know. I know I made the right choice and I know that he's who I wanna be with. I just feel like people...not that they're opinions are any deciding factor in my choices when it comes to him- I just feel like outside looking in, people will go "they've only known each other for almost 2 months." And it's just....so trivial. Like...it's like we've already surpassed this time frame. We're so beyond 2 months."

She gave me a smile and sat back in her chair, notebook in hand.

"It doesn't matter how long you know a person. You could know them for years, and it may end up being the wrong person. You could know them for a day. It all comes down to what you and that person feel. And from what you've told me about your connection, it's special. It doesn't need a guideline. If you care for each other that much and you wanted to solidify that. Then that's fine. Love doesn't have a schedule."

"I don't love him.....not yet anyway. That's tricky. But I care more than I ever have."

"Then it is what it is."

I sighed and turned my head looking out of the window.

"Now you want to know if the sex your craving towards him is genuine or just another lapse."

Sheesh. This lady was like a fucking mind reader. No wonder these sessions are so expensive.

"I've been thinking about what I'll do after the 3 months. I don't know....is that bad? That that's what I wanna do?"

"Hayden I already think you've broken through. You've pulled yourself out of a couple close calls already and said no. These last few weeks are going to just show you that, this addiction was a passing part of your life and that you don't need sexual gratification to complete you. That's all this is. Don't be afraid to have relations for fear that you may relapse, that was never my intention. We were here to get you through it, and honestly my side goal was to have you create a lasting bond. That's why I always get you to talk about Xavier. You're issue was centered around having sex with multiple people, and not feeling fulfilled. I'm more than sure...when you two get to that stage. You'll find all you need because you've already established this bond and these feelings. That's what you were missing." She paused. "Has it been hard?"