Under Your Skin

23

Hayden

"So, you seemed excited for today."

"I did. Some things have happened and I never needed to talk to somebody more."

Polly sat back with her welcoming smile and waved her hand.

"Floor is yours."

I sighed and sat back in the chair.

"Last week. My uncle was up for an appeal. To get out a jail early."

"I'm so sorry. That must've been...a very hard moment for you. I can imagine how scared you were."

"Terrified!" I yelled by accident. "Sorry." She gave me a nod and I continued. "Me and my parents had to go to New York to object the appeal. Xavier came alone for my support which I needed so bad...but before we got to New York. The night I found out. I kind of pressured Xavier into having sex with me. I just felt so....useless and I wanted to feel good. He said clearly that it wasn't the time but a pushed it. And after that...we kept having sex like...I wouldn't call it an abnormal amount but it was copious."

She nodded and started writing down in her notes.

"After the appeal was done and, thank god my uncle wasn't getting out of jail until his full sentence was up. We just kept doing it. On Christmas, I initiated but, he told me no. And I found myself getting mad at him which he totally called me out on and pointed out that I was falling back into my old ways."

Polly nodded and gave a concerned look.

"You're afraid all your hard work went to waste."

"Yes. And I even had a brief discussion with him but he said this was my only slip up and that everything it still fine."

"He's right. It's okay to have a moment or slip up. But in your case and for your situation, I don't think it cancels out all of your efforts. You've acknowledged it, you're here with me talking about it. You're facing it head on. It happened. Now we take the next step."

I huffed.

"Which is what? I'm scared to even touch him now honestly. I feel like I should t be having sex at all."

"If you feel like you need some time to get yourself together, then don't have sex. We don't have to go full 90 days again, but set yourself a boundary. And discuss it with Xavier to see if it's a good plan that he can accept." She paused. "And also I want to commend you on going to that appeal. That was very brave."

I started messing with my fingers and Polly tilted her head.

"Something else."

"That night when I pressured Xavier. We didn't use protection. And he was getting freaked about me being pregnant but I confessed to him that, that probably wasn't gonna happen. I'm worried that he didn't really take that in. He said it was okay, and that if in our future we Wanna have kids there's other options but I don't know-"

"You expected him to be upset?"

"I don't know what I expected. Xavier is a family oriented person. Knowing he's with someone who can't give him that...I thought there would be more of a reaction."

"Maybe he thinks it's not necessary to worry about right now. You guys are in high school."

I nodded.

"Yea."

"I can't speak for him but I think Xavier is the kind of person who looks at the big picture. And this might hurt to hear but if he cared that much, I don't think he'd be continuing this relationship with you."