Scarred

Chapter 60

Eva's POV
Last night was so... nice. A night sitting by the fireplace, drinking hot chocolate and tea and scoffing down cookies. It felt like a winter's night at home, not something that would occur in this cold and miserable place. Cas was right, I needed a break, no matter how much I felt otherwise. I fell asleep almost immediately after we got back to our room, and my sleep didn't have a single nightmare. Blocking everyone out, it was stupid to think that would do any good for me or them. They're here on their own accord, if they really want to, they can easily leave whenever. But the fact they've decided to stay means that I'm allowed to trust that they know what they're doing.

However, the peacefulness of last night doesn't get to last all too long. Soon, I'm back reading through books, yet I'm already beginning to notice that I'm reading at a faster pace than I was yesterday. To think, stress managed to fog my mind so much that I couldn't read at my usual speed, something particularly strange when you realise that I often used reading as a way to escape in the past. Only because of Cassie am I trying to work on not doing that as much.

Although I could continue on for a while longer, Cas begins to yawn what feels like every five seconds. "You can take a break if you want," I say as I flick to the next page. "It's not gonna be very helpful if you're tired."
"True," he yawns, flopping onto his back. "You better take one at some point, okay?"
"I will, I will, don't worry about me," I reply.

Time passes and I manage to begin to reach the end of this book. Still nothing. It's beginning to get irritating at this point. As I grumble some curses under my breath, the door slowly creaks open, dad poking his head inside.

"Are you able to talk, or is now a bad time?" He asks as he walks into the room. "Because I do think we need to talk at some point."
"I mean..." I mumble, glancing over at the towering pile of books beside me. "I guess I can take a break to talk, might stop me from nodding off later." I place my bookmark in the book in front of me, closing it as I begin to stand up. Cas is passed out on his bed, if I'm going to speak to dad at any time, now seems to make the most sense. But even so, my heart is pounding in my chest, I haven't really spoken to dad since the day I got back here. The only time I did, I yelled at him to leave me alone. Eyes on the floor, I walk over to my bed, pulling my knees close to my chest as I sit down.

"Eva..." he sighs, trudging towards me. As he sits down beside me, I shuffle away, moving so far that I begin to fall off the bed. Dad grabs me by the wrist in an attempt to pull me up before I can fall, but a sudden weight fills my entire body, and I manage to land on the floor with a thud despite dad's attempt to help.
"What was that? That heaviness, it..." I breathe, looking up at him from the floor. "Don't tell me..."
"You're right in thinking it's Silence. But you're completely wrong if you think I intend to use it with bad intention," he says, holding out his hand.
"I don't see how you could use Silence with good intentions." Reluctantly, I use it to pull myself to my feet. "Seems like a pretty evil thing if you ask me."
"I do agree... but look here," he shows me his other hand, pointing to a dark, dull grey ring wrapped around his finger. "I told you before that it keeps away the queen. This serves as a temporary solution until we can get rid of her completely. It means, for now at least, you and everyone else you care about will be safe."

I got so pissed at the idea that the lives of so many people were in my hands; I hated the idea that if I did mess up at some point, Mum or Maven or James or my friends or anyone could have been hurt. Now it seems that won't be the case. But even so, I don't know how long it'll last, I could barely survive a week of the Silence, but it was in a much larger amount. "Doesn't it feel bad though? Is it not suffocating and awful and heavy and-?"
"It's all of those things, there's no point in lying to you about that, seeing you've already experienced it yourself. But it's all I can think to do. Well that and apologise."