Before you knew

57. Hurt.

'Why did he say all those things?' Clay asks as my mind runs, trying not to overthink about what can happen now that my father knows where I live. Do I move again? Do I leave again? 'Amelia?' I look up at Clay. If I do, will I have to leave him behind. I look away and chew my lip. I don't want to do that.

'What are you thinking about?' He asks. 'I am doubting wether or not I can stay here.' I say. 'What? Why?' Clay asks. 'I.... what if he comes back? I- I tried so hard to leave the past behind, but he keeps dragging me back into the mess.' I say. 'You can't leave.' Clay says. 'Why not? What else can I do?' I ask.

'Stay with me.'

I look up and meet his eyes. 'Then what, let him come. Let myself stay around you and get you hurt in the progress. I can't do that Clay.' I say as I stand up. 'Wether I am or am not getting hurt is not up to you.' Clay says as he stands up as well. 'I'd do us both a favor if I just left.' I say as I look down. 'Like hell you are. I don't want you to leave.' He says. 'And I don't want you to get hurt.' I say as I look up. 'I can-' 'no! You don't know what my father is capable of. I'm not risking it.' I say. 'Then tell me what he's capable. Let me in.' He says as he steps closer. He seems upset.

I can't let him in. I can't let him know how much I've already risked.
Its better to end this before we get even closer.

'I'm sorry.'

With that I turn and head upstairs. I dial my sister number as I open my laptop.

'Kim.'
'I'm so sorry Aims.'
'W... what about?'
'I told him where you live.'

I fall quiet. He must have tricked her for it.
He must have.

'I just wanted to ask something.'
'Okay.'
'Can I stay at yours for a while?'
'Did He come to your place?'
'Yes. I can't get Clay in danger like this. I need to leave.'
'My god.... Sure, yeah, of course.'
'Thanks. I'm getting a ticket right now. I'll tell you when I'll be there.'
'Alright, be careful.'
'I will.'

I didn't even notice Clay walking into the room through the open door.
He pushes my screen down to close the laptop.
'You really are running.' He says as he looks to the side. I look up at the tall man.

Trust me. It's for your own sake.
'Clay, believe me, it's better if I leave.' I say. 'No!' He snaps at me. He looks upset when he turns to me. 'Do you know how much I missed you when you left for the Netherlands?! And that was with a guarantee of you coming back.' He says. His voice crack a little at the end. 'I missed you too, don't miss understand. I'm not doing this because I want to.' I say. 'Then don't go! Don't leave me.... don't leave me behind.' His voice softens as he strains himself to keep his composure. 'I can call you. And text you. Its not like we'll never talk again.' I say. 'You know that's bullshit. You know it goes form this, to calling, to texting, to nothing.' He says. 'You and I both know it's better to stop it now before we get too attached to one another.'

'But what if it's too late. What if I never get over you?

What if I continue to wake up every day of my fucking life and miss you so badly that my bones shake so much that they feel like they're going to break?

What if....
I keep waiting for a call or a text that will never come?'

He sniffles as He clenches his jaw.
Tears fill my eyes at how hurt he looks.
I stand up too, holding his cheeks as the first tear falls from his eyes.
Mine escaping at the sight.

'Its hurts.' He says with a breaking voice.

'Of course it Does.' I smile sadly 'the hurt is how we know it was good. The pain we feel is proof that what we had is something that can be lost.'

'When will it stop.' He asks as he grabs my arm, holding it while I gently hold his face.
Him leaning into my touch.

With eyes dark like a could before rain, I replied,
'If it was love, it won't.'