Before you knew

64. To close.

Now it's me who can't sleep.

I can't see if Clay is awake. 'Clay?' I ask in a whisper. 'What?' He asks sounding annoyed. 'Can you.... can you please turn around?' I ask carefully. He stays in place, not moving. 'What's going on with you, huh? If you despise me for leaving, or for getting you in danger, you should say so. I can't go around not knowing why you're mad at me.' I say. 'And I can't go around not knowing how you think of me. What you want from me.' He says back. My expression saddens. 'I'm happy you're here.' I say like a child who's scared. Clay scoffs in response. 'It's mean you think I randomly kiss Nick.' I say as I look down at the white sheets instead of Clays back. 'Well you kiss me as if it's nothing.' He says. 'I've never kiss kissed you. And.... you're different.' The last part is barely audible, but Clay nearly turns because of it. 'No you never kiss kissed me, but you shouldn't kiss a friends cheek on neck like that.' He says. 'But...' My expression saddens more. So I'm not allowed to do something like that anymore. Cause he's my friend. Or, roommate.

I grab his arm and pull so he moves to lay on his back. 'What?' He asks. Now that I can see his face I can see how angry he actually looks. It makes me let go and back off 'alright. I get it, you don't want me to. Then I won't anymore. I'll back off.' I say as I roll back over so my back is facing him. Upset and feeling distant from him.

He grabs my arm, touch gentle, though the eyes I meet when on my back are harsh. 'You don't get it do you?' He asks harshly. 'I... you don't want me to get that close. What's there to not understand?' I ask. He lets me go and groans 'you're such an idiot.' He says softly. I let out a pained laugh 'tell me more.'