Before you knew

84. Time

We arrive at a mill with a small but cute building next to it.

It reminds me of the Netherlands.
'That's Dutch right?' He says as he point at the mill. I nod as I look at it. 'How did you find this place?' I ask. 'I've been looking for a good place to take you for a while, stumbled across this a week ago.' He says. 'It's like back home.' I say to myself as I look around myself. It's located on a flat landscape as well, surrounded by trees. 'It is said that Dutch people run the restaurant and have Dutch dishes.' He says. After making a full circle i stop, looking at Clay. 'You....' I start but I can't help but looking back at the mill again. 'I've been waiting to take you here.' He says as he takes my hand. 'Lets go in, shall we?' He asks. I nod before looking at him. He's already looking away.

We start to walk. The whole place reminds me of home. Of how things are back there. Even signs have everything written in Dutch. 'What does that say?' Clay asks as he points at the sign. Ingang. 'Entrance.' I say. 'Oh.' He says as he walks in the direction the sign is pointing at.

When we walk in it's all old Dutch stile. Clay chuckles as he looks around. 'Neat.' He says. 'Good evening! How can I help you?' A woman says as she walks up with a bright smile. 'A table for two, please.' Clay says. She nods and starts to walk. We follow her to a table by the window. 'Thank you.' I say to her as I sit down. 'Either of you familiar with the Dutch language?' The woman asks. I nod as Clay points at me. 'I have menu's in Dutch, would you like that?' She asks. 'Oh sure!' I say with a smile. She nods and walks off.

'You're going to need to help me out then.' He says. 'Of course.' I say.

The menu gets brought over and we start.
I laugh my ass off as Clay tries to pronounce the words and tries to guess what it is.
Evening of candlelight, laughter, and a familiar surrounding.
Home 4000 miles away from home.

We silently head to the exit.

I have nothing to say.
No words would describe how much I appreciate this.
Or how much I appreciate him.

Step by step,
The end of the evening draws nearer.

I can't help but stop in my tracks, grabbing Clays shirt to stop him too, nearly untucking it. He turns to me as I chew my lip, looking at the ground. 'Something wrong?' He asks. 'Can I....' I think of something to say. Anything, to make this last a little bit longer. I look up to meet green eyes as he waits patiently for me to continue. 'Can I have a hug?' I ask quickly. He manages to understand my words and opens his arms for me to hug him.

I let out a breath as i'm safely wrapped in his arms.
'What's on your mind?'

I don't want this evening to end.
That is.
And....
I don't want this to end.
Being allowed to be this close to him.
Being allowed to take some of his time.

And as messed up, and egoistic it may be,

I wish he would always allow me.
Just me.

Imagining him with someone else makes me feel weird.
Maybe upset, or mad, or jealous.
Either way, I don't want it to happen.

Yet I don't want things to get complicated.
So I don't want to ask anything of him.

I can't be so egoistic.

Live in the moment.
Appreciate the time I get.
Appreciate when he lets me close.

That's what I'll do.

'Is something wrong?' He asks. I shake my head as I pull back enough to look him in the eyes. His eyes switch from one to another. Hastily looking for answers in either of my eyes. 'Thank you for tonight. Thank you for spending this evening with me like this.' I say. His expression softens as he squeezes me closer one last time.

'Always.'