Before you knew

33.

When I'm done showering and eating it's dark out.

I decide to go to Clay to talk.

-Clay-

As if it would have mattered.
Like it would change the way we are.

'I just need a moment with someone I can talk to.'

Harder then it should have hit.
I look at her for a second before turning around.

'Okay. I understand.'

I enter the car and sit down. I hit the steering wheel.
Why?! Why with her?!
Why do I care so much?!
'Fuck!'
I hit the wheel one last time before dropping my head back against the headrest.
This isn't supposed to go like this.
Why does it have to go like this?

I thought I did everything right this time.
I thought being respectful and a bit distant would make things better.
That it would make it easier.

I remember when she face timed me while she was away.
I saw her staring at me through the phone, and for a while I really thought there could have been something. I remember how she obviously held something back from me.
Words.
Thoughts.
And I wish she would let me know.
All of it.

'Dammit Amelia.'

She left with Nick.
I watch as they drive off.

Now what?
I turn back to the car and get in.

When home I enter the empty and quiet home.
It's so different when she's not here.
I mean she's not here when she's at work or to the store, but this is different.
She's not coming home late tonight or early this morning.

I sigh as I sit down on the couch and turn the tv on for distraction.
Patches comes up and jumps onto the couch.

She lays in my lap and looks up, as if to comfort me.
'Women, huh?'
She purrs in response as I pat her
.

Right when I open the door to the hallway, I hear keys. The door opens and Amelia steps inside before looking up. We meet eyes. Mixed emotions come through me. Do we just pretend it never happened? Or do we continue where we left off? She seems unsure too. I don't want her to be. I open my arms for her. The telltale look appears on her face and she closes the door before walking up. She rests her head against my chest. I wrap my arms around her and close my eyes for a second.

Just stay like this with me.
Just a second.
Give me a fraction of your time.

'Glad to have you back.'

She doesn't say anything but grabs the hem of my hoodie.
Adorable and gentle.

She pulls back, so I let go.
'I'm going to take a shower.'
She heads up with her shoes and jacket on.

Am I making her that uncomfortable?

She showers and eats and stays distant.
I decide to head upstairs, giving her some space.
I turn the light on my nightstand on and sit down on bed.

She looked so upset yesterday

It made me angry.

It made me want to come for all the monsters that ever touched her.
For all the ones who twisted her stars into shadows,
They turned her memories into nightmares,
So now I want to be theirs.