More Than A Tutor

chapter 18

Emma's POV

I get on the bus and rest my head in my hands trying to process everything that happened today. I pull out my phone and text James that we need to talk when I get off the bus and he responds saying we will meet at the bus stop.

I sign and throw my head back in confusion, today had been so great but Tristan still left me as confused as ever. I didn't want to scare him away by thinking we were in a relationship but I also didn't want him to think he could just use me whenever he wants.

After my mind jumbled around for 30 minutes I get to my stop and see James waiting for me. He sees my worried and confused expression and tilts his head at me asking, "what's wrong."

"I'll tell you when we get to the apartment" I say shortly and we walk in pretty much silence.  The walk was fast probably because we were both in a hurry to get home so I would spill my guts. We reach the apartments and I check in side to make sure Dylan was not home, which he was not.

We sit on the couch and James looks way too eager to find out what I'm hiding. "So are you just gonna sit their or are you going to tell me what the hell you brought me here for." He snaps.

"I ditched school today" I say and James eyes grew widely.

"You ditched!" He repeated in a slightly higher tone.

"With Tristan" I mumble.

"Tristan!" He repeats again.

"And we went skinny dipping" I say lowly.

"Skinny dipping!" He repeats even louder, almost yelling.

"And he fingered me" I whisper kinda hoping James wouldn't hear.

"He fingered you?!" He yelled this time I'm sure the neighbors could hear. "Like as in his fingers in you, like your vagina!"

"Yes, yes stop acting so surprised" I mumble at him.

"You literally went from zero to one hundred Em, I was not expecting this from you" he says and I just put my head to my hands. "No Emma like a good shock, I'm happy for you, god knows you needed this." He says which makes me feel better that he's not shaming me or anything.

"Well how was it, did he know what he was doing?" He asks and I shake my head slightly uncomfortable about talking about the intimate details. "So are you guys dating or just fooling around?" He asks the inevitable question.

"I don't know he's confusing, he doesn't seem like the dating type but he says all the right things we he's around me that makes me think differently" I say signing in confusion.

"Just ask him" James says.

"I don't want to scare him and it all seems too soon.

"He had his fingers in you it's not too soon" James says sarcastically.

We laugh about it together when he makes me see how stupid and crazy I am being, then we just talk about life and everything else we had to catch up on. He leaves when his mom gets home and says he'll see me tomorrow before the game and we go our separate ways.

The next morning I walk through the doors of the school and feel as if all eyes are on me. I hide behind the hoodie and just make my way to my class to get away from the daggers being thrown at me. 

Anatomy rolls around and I still have the same intense stomach churning feeling as I do everyday. I wait around at my desk for Tristan and of course the bell rings indicating he is late yet again. I sit there helplessly staring through the window waiting to see his nice blonde hair and big statue but I'm keep waiting. 

He didn't show.

Why didn't he show up, was it because of me or something. Of course it was it wasn't a coincidence that he didn't come to school the day after the most intimate thing I've ever done in my life. I don't even pay attention to the rest of the class, I'm too busy feeling disgusted at myself and sadden that Tristan probably wasn't any different than I thought he was. Maybe I was being dramatic but I also didn't fully trust or even know Tristan. 

The rest of the day is just a big sad blur, I don't pay attention in any of my classes and the stares continue. I wonder if he told everyone already about what we did. I wonder if they think I'm a slut or stupid or both.

 I have hardly any friends here to tell me what they have heard, honestly I don't think I have one. Kyla was one but she also had her own friends, she was pretty well known so I didn't want to intrude on her friend group. But I wish I had someone too talk to about this other than James, just someone at this school who would better understand. 

That last bells rings and I blot out of the class, I've been waiting for that bell to ring since the minute I got here this morning. I just wanna make it out of this school without any stares or maybe even words being thrown my way. Tristan was supposed to come to my house today for tutoring but I'm guessing that we won't being doing that anymore. I check my phone and sure enough not even a single text message. 

I sign as I get onto the bus and thrown my head back into the seat in defeat. My first week isn't even over and I'm already the talk of the school apparently. Just as the doors shut I hear some knocking of the glass doors, the old lady who's driving the bus seems annoyed but reluctantly opens the door. 

My eyes widen in surprise as Tristan pushes through the crowd of people also on the bus. The way he looks into my eyes is something I can't even describe, it just makes my knees weak and I feel like I could melt into a puddle. He stands in my aisle and looks down at me meeting my eyes once again, then down towards my body then back up. 

"Are you just gonna let me stand here or can I sit" he snaps at me causing me to bring myself back to reality. 

"Oh yeah" I manage to get out sounding weak as I move over the the seat next to me.