"Hold Me"

chapter 23

Billie's pov...

Finally I was awake, finally I could stop fighting for my ability to move and talk. I spent so long trapped in my own world begging to be let out, everyday I would hear the voices of the people I loved most and i couldn't answer them back, I couldn't tell them I'm right here and I'll be with them soon.

Being in a coma was weird, it was like a long sleep but also a horrible reality, all my worst nightmares came to life. I felt like I was constantly fighting and begging for all of my power for my own body back. I was like a huge maze and around every corner was a new problem, a new monster i had to fight to gain a small bit of power back.

I hate thinking of the little world in my head that I was forced into, I'm just glad to be back with my friends and family, and Alissa.

After I woke from the coma I stayed alone with Alissa for a little while before she told everyone else and the doctors came back to run a bunch of tests to make sure I'd be okay. They did warn me in the next few days I might have a late relapse from all the drugs i took but it wouldn't be bad because during the coma i had relapsed a bit already so they had to watch me closely.

"Billie we're all so happy to have you back" claudia said in her usual cheerful tone, I had honestly missed her optimistic tone. I was layed up in bed with Alissa sat next to me then my parents, finneas and claudia sat in chairs around my bed "I miss you guys to, you have no idea how weird it was hearing you all but not being about to see you and talk back" I explained to them all what it was like and how dark it was being all alone.

We talked for hours and hours about everything I ahd missed and we obviously had to talk about what i wa going to tell the fans. I decided I wanted to stayed as the genuine person I always am and I planned to just yelled them the complete truth including everything with the drugs, they deserve to know it all as it is instead of the sugar coated version.

I wanted to post a video on my Instagram so it would be there until I took it down to peopel to do whatever they wanted with it. We all planned I'd do it later on today so I could leave the hospital in a few days after my last few ground checks to make sure I'm healthy and it's safe to leave.

-

A couple hours later after more and more talking, more people came into my room to come see me like the twins, Camilla, Chloe, Emma and a bunch more of my friends.

Finally I was ready to film the videoz I wanted it as down to earth as possible so I just made myself look presentable then I started filming on my phone with Alissa next to me. "So hello everyone, as you know I've been gone for three nearly four weeks, I'm going to just tell you guys absolutely everything that happened with no cuts" I smiled into the camera then Alissa kissed my cheek softly.

I went on talking to the camera explaining my whole situation my whole past with drugs, when I did drugs at my birthday party, when I bought from J but I didn't name any names of course. I basically just went through everything right up until now.

I made finneas and claudia watch the video over a few times even though it cam eup to 30 minutes, I just wanted to make sure it was perfect and very clear with everything.

After everyone I showed it to gave me the clear i post the video onto my main Instagram account with the caption 'please watch the whole video!!!' After I posted the video I felt a huge heavy weight lift form my chest, I felt amazing, like there was nothing I had to hide from anyone anymore.

"Bil that was perfect, I'm so proud of you for posting that I know it couldn't have been easy" my favourite voice called out next to me, I turned to Aliss and smiled "I couldn't have done it without you sat next to me the whole time mamas" she giggled and kis smy cheek, I pulled her closer and kissed her soft lips "baby I missed you more than anything" I whispered softly into her lips as they slowly parted a little.

We cuddled for the rest of the night just talking, I mainly told.he about what wa going through my mind whilst I was trapped in the coma, it honestly fascinated her how dark my mind could be and how hurtful it could be to itself.

I didn't mind opening up to Alissa, unlike other people I felt like I could tell about my feelings and my problems to Alissa for hours on end. She made me feel accepted, like my feelings were valid and I was allowed to feel disgusting about myself one day then good about myself the next day, like I didn't have to shut off my emotions for other people.

-

A few more days passed by I got so much love and support form my fans, of course I did have a bunch of hate with the support but I didn't let it get my down.

I was going through pure agony as I relapsed more, I would be freezing cold and I put on a bunch of layers but I'd be sweating so so much. Then there was the throwing up the the headaches, they were the worst, one second I'd be fine and talking like normal then I be laying down crying because of the pain.

I hated it so damn much, I felt horrible that I had done this to myself but Alissa continued to convince that it wasn't my own fault that I got addicted, it was the other influences fault.

"Well ms Eilish you've been doing excellent recently" I smiled "you know I hate it when you call me that dr Owens" we laughed, that was a little inside joke we had where he would purposefully call me ms Eilish instead of billie.

"Anyways I'm pleased to tell you that you're free to go, I'm releasing you today" he smiled as he handed me the release form "really? I cant wait to tell Alissa" I smiled and picked up my phone "yes billie, you're finally free to go and live the rest of your life" dr Owens smiled and left the room.

I unlocked my phone and called Alissa up straight away.

(Billie:Bold Alissa:italic)

"Hey bil is everything okay, is something wrong"

"No no Ali everything is perfectly fine, I have some really good news that you'll like"

"go on then, what's the news?"

I could hear the excitement in her voice as I built up the tension a little by staying silent for a moment.

"Billieeee tell meee"

She dragged out all her words making me laugh.

"Okay okay, I'll tell you, so Dr Owens came in today and he told me I'm able to go home today"

It was silent on her end for a second before I heard her jumping around and cheering.

"I'm coming to the hospital now, I'm just at my place, I gotta go tell Camilla!"

I heard her running down the stairs and then I heard Camilla and Alissa cheering and shouting more.

We talked for a few more minutes before we ended the call so she could drive safely to the hospital to come see me.

As I waited for Alissa the nurses came in to help me pack up to leave, they gave me some clothes to change into to leave then they helped get everything ready.

Finally one I was all ready to go and Alissa stuff was packed I just waited around until she showed up with Finneas and Claudia to help get everything into the car so I would finally be able to return home after so long of wishing i was back in the comfort of my own home.

a/n: alright so I'm thinking about ending this book soon so the next few chapters might be pretty short and simple since I have another book in the works and I have a pretty good feeling about it. Enjoy :))