𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐙𝐄𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐒; 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬

to get you back

ships - natsby (jay gatsby & nick carraway)

fandoms - the great gatsby (2013), great gatsby novel

warnings - canon character death, angst, kind of a poemish

"where have you been? where did you go? those summer nights seem so long ago and so is the girl you used to call the queen of new york city"

nick just wants him back

wrote: march 10th 2021

—
he wanted him back,
he wanted everything about him back so desperately.

he wanted his presence with him again,
just to feel and know he's by his side would be enough
or to know he's just a step away next door waiting for him and gets that look when he sees him.
he also wanted the way his eyes shined and lit up like stars in the night sky or the sun on a summer afternoon when he was happy, the way they crinkled when he smiled that damned smile and the way his nose scrunched up he wanted it back just to see it again would be enough.

he wanted back his emotion, the way he expressed himself, the life-fullness of himself
he wanted everything all of it, he wanted his anger, his happiness, his sadness, he wanted all of it, the whole of him, he wanted everything back even just for a second he wanted it back.

but no matter how much he repressed the events of summers end, how much he wished it to be a nightmare that'd he'd soon wake from hoping for it to be fiction he knew deep down and has known since the event happened.. since he the man he loved died.. he knew that'd it was real that'd he'd never get it back.

he'd never get back the man he once knew, the man he only met just that summer but it felt like a lifetime, he'd never get any of it back, his feeling, his presence, his laugh, his smile, his eyes.. all of it, he'd get none of it back all he had was that summer, the memories of it.. of him and everything with it good and bad.

but oh how he still longs for it to be a nightmare and to wake soon with the man by his side alive and well, to just wake up from whatever nightmare reality this was and to get it all back in an instant, to get him back it would be enough.