𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐙𝐄𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐒; 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬

right where you left me

ships - natsby (nick carraway & jay gatsby)

fandoms - the great gatsby (2013), great gatsby (novel)

warnings - canon character death, angst, implied depression and alcoholism, nick is sad

"friends break up, friends get married. strangers get born, strangers get buried. trends change, rumours fly through new skies. but i'm right where you left me."

i'm still here even after you're dead and you're gone.
another poem
sorry gotta vent, and apparently, i can only vent through nick.

—

occasionally i come back here, to west egg, to your once grand home, that used to be beautiful and bright, now it sits here looking as if it was haunted.

perhaps it was, haunted by your dreams of something that could never work out, the five years of build-up only to end up tragically like sweet irony.

i walk through the once blue gardens, now grey and unkept, the sight could make one teary-eyed.

these once full halls, now empty and sad, i run my hand across the walls with the cracks and chipped paint. your rouge didn't hold up like you thought it would, the imitation didn't get you what you wanted, it just got you dead now you're gone, and i'm still here wishing you were too.

my once peaceful memories of you and this place, are clouded by your lifeless body surrounded by water, and your empty wake only attended by myself and your father.

i wish i could forget this place, wish to never come back here, but you still plague my mind, like you had always done but somehow this was different.

perhaps if i had never came here after the war you'd still be here chasing after something you know you could never have an impossible dream, or if we had met under different circumstances things could be different i doubt it though.

but here i am right where you left me, the broken shell of who i once was, the stench of alcohol on my breath that always seemed to linger, an unchangeable part of me which that summer that seems so long ago had left.

i can't help but miss you more than i should, not just your golden self, but that part of yourself that you were ashamed of, i loved every single part of you and then some, something you'd never know, i wish you saw how i actually gave a damn about you, how i loved you without you having to buy that from me- but you didn't, a fantasy of a past you couldn't repeat paralysed you.

now i sit with my back against the wall of what used to be your room with some kind of alcohol in my hand i couldn't tell anymore too drunk to actually care. it wasn't the same, nothing was.

i feel my breath get heavy, and my cheeks wet with tears i didn't know were falling, i pathetically slumped to the floor and buried my face in my arms finally letting out choked sobs that i had been holding in for oh so long..

but i will remain here, here right where you left me, wishing that things had ended up differently, wishing you were still alive and here with me, hugging me close to your frame whispering careless nothings to me. but you're not, and will never be again.

and i'll stay here, right where you left me.

—
i gotta stop venting through nick and actually write him happily with jay-  instead i just make him sad and alone.

sorry i did this instead of working on the actual fic.

-mac