𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐙𝐄𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐒; 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬

please don't go

ships - (adam faulkner-stanheight & lawrence gordon)

fandoms - saw (movies)

warnings - canon character death, graphic description of violence and gore, ptsd, guilt

"i won't believe in heaven or hell no saints no sinners no devil no pearly gates no thorny crown you're always letting us humans down"

adam in his final hours

—

"you're gonna be alright," gordon told him

"you just wounded your shoulder.. i have to go and get help.. if i don't get help i'm going to bleed to death"

adam knew that, but right now he didn't care he didn't want to be left alone by himself in this bathroom.

"don't leave me!" he sobbed trying to hold on to lawrence in a plea to make him stay "no!" he was yelling crying now trying to grab on to gordon's wrist as he was crawling away, "no! no!".

"don't worry" lawrence tried to reassure him, "i'll bring someone.. i promise"

"lawrence!" he yelled gordon looked back to him, "we're going to be okay?" he asked

"i... i wouldn't lie to you"

with that he watched gordon leave him.. adam believed him.. he did.. he believed that they were going to be okay.. that lawrence was coming back for him

in that moment he would believe anything, anyway told him.

—
adam doesn't know how long it has been, it could have been hours since lawrence had left him since jigsaw had revealed himself and left him there in the dark.. or it could have been days, adam didn't know.

the hope of lawrence actually coming back for him was slowly dying, much like he was.. but that hope whatever it was still would linger in him because he did, he really did believe gordon.

but he guesses that believing and trusting someone who was desperate to save themselves was a stupid  fucking idea and yet adam still fucking did.

he didn't blame gordon though, he wouldn't come back either, not for himself.

gordon most likely had forgotten about him, he probably got back to civilisation gotten to safety and now is back with his family living halfway normal.. normal as he could after going through something like they did.

he probably hated adam.. that's why he never came back... why he's not going to come back, he'd had probably realised who adam was after he got out and decided not to come back for him.

than realisation sets in, that this- this is going to be where he dies, alone and clinging on to whatever hope he had that someone.. that lawrence would eventually come back when deep down he knows no one is coming.. and deep down he's known that, hes known that since gordon first left him.

but for some reason he was happy for lawrence, about as happy he could be, he was glad he got out glad he gets to live and be with his family again something adam knows he wouldn't have even if he had been saved, and even though he knows gordon isn't coming back or sending someone adam is just happy- glad one of them had made it.

but- maybe.. maybe if he had held on to lawrence and didn't let him go- he'd still be here with adam, and adam wouldn't be alone- but he knows that's selfish to even want that.

but this will be how he dies, alone and afraid chained to a pipe in a dark dirty bathroom with nothing left, no one will know or care, no one but lawrence will know he's gone, he's not going to get some kind of funeral not that he wanted one but still, and he knows it would have been like this if this had never happened it would have been him dying alone in his run down apartment.

maybe this is what jigsaw was trying to show him, trying to make him realise, that this is what he wanted for himself it always had been.. he didn't know... and didn't care not anymore.

—
this is old and shit but i needed to vent-

my kitten died today and my father is being a dick to me- and i really haven't been feeling the best- i just don't know how to feel..

- mac