𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐙𝐄𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐒; 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬

all is bright

ship - sambucky (sam wilson & bucky barnes)

fandom - marvel (mcu)

warnings - angst

"i parked my car right between the methodist and the school that used to be ours the holidays linger like bad perfume. you can run, but only so far. i escaped too, remember how you watched me leave. but if it's okay with you, it's okay with me"

sambucky watch the stars on a christmas night.

or christmas angst because christmas isn't a good time.

—
sam and bucky laid on the ground big warm jackets on due to the cold outside. and maybe this was a bad idea or maybe not, they couldn't tell or cared enough.

"you know, i haven't been able to do something like this in years.." bucky said quietly

sam takes a sip of the drink that was in his hands before he answered "what? laying outside staring at the stars or christmas?"

"both, and i can't go to family's to celebrate like i used to because.. because there's none left. but this, this is still nice ya know?"

bucky takes a drink of the beer he had, he knew it wouldn't have any effect on him, and god right now does he wish it did more than anything.

sam turns his head and looks at bucky then looks at his hand, then takes buckys hand into his, as he looks back up to the sky.

"sorry this couldn't be more buck"

"it's alright, it's enough"  bucky smiles to himself as he squeezed sams hand, "honestly i'm surprised we got this time off, not every day that happens, i mean for us"

"yeah, i know what you mean.. before we actually met and before i joined up with steve and nat.. i had all the time in the world for stuff like this you know? but now it's difficult to even manage a relationship with someone"

bucky chuckles "yeah.. guys like us we don't get to have those, at least not with normal people"

"we are normal people," sam tells him "just.. a little rough around the edges is all"

"ha," bucky laughs "you maybe.. but i am more fucked and broken after everything hydra put me through and made me do.. i doubt i'm still normal"

"that wasn't your fault man"

"i still did it. i was a monster and i can't take back the awful shit i've done"

sam squeezes buckys hand "i know you can't buck.. but still it wasn't you, and god i know you can't put that kind of stuff behind you and forget it, but it wasn't and never will be you who did it"

"aren't ya gonna tell me to quit bein' depressing and cheer up its christmas?"

"no, you gotta right to be upset and i ain't going to tell you to lie to yourself"

"anyone else would have"

"but i'm not anyone else"

bucky let out a sigh "can we go back inside? i'm fuckin' freezin'" he asked maybe to change the subject.

sam frowns "yeah okay"