𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐙𝐄𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐒; 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬

don't dwell

ship - tyler durden and jack moore/narrator

fandom - fight club (1999), fight club novel

warnings - depression, mention of violence, suicide mention

"if you go i'll stay you come back i'll be right here like a barge at sea in the storm i stay clear"

after jack 'killed' tyler durden all about 6 months ago..
tyler comes back.

—

six months ago i was in love with a man named tyler durden. six months ago i followed him around the country. six months ago tyler took everything from me and he gave me everything. six months ago i shot myself and killed tyler durden. i went through hell and back because of tyler durden.

six months later i'm an empty shell of the man i used to be, i don't sleep, i don't eat, i only leave my house to go to work. sometimes it's like i forget to breathe, and at this point, i couldn't care less, because a long time ago tyler durden took everything from me and gave me everything, then took everything from me again. i was being plagued of the memories of it all day after day, and that damned man taking over my thoughts at night, and all i wanted to do was sleep.

it had been weeks since i slept for more than an hour. the last time i actually had a full night of sleep, i was on the brink of death, with more alcohol and pills in my stomach then i could count. and somehow i lived, and at this point, death would be a blessing. i had tried the support groups again, but marla had ruined them for me, she'd always be sitting next to me, and when i would blink she'd always be gone, only the lingering smell of her smoke remained. i never wanted to think of her again, it was always impossible, she was my cancer, marla couldn't be removed, i hated marla.

i was tired. i just wanted to sleep forever. i just wanted was to be released from this living hell. i had stopped going to work, i never answer the phone, i don't answer the door i couldn't care to.

it's now been since i killed tyler since he had died, i didn't care though. i was too exhausted to care. i was just exhausted period and i just wanted to sleep. i didn't care when there was knocking at the door, i didn't care when there was shouting coming from outside the door, with an all to familiar voice, i didn't care i didn't even bother to try and figure it out. i am jack's dulled mind. now there was a thud as whoever was at the door had decided to break it down. i didn't care. i had hoped it was a murder, a psychopath who was just ready to kill. i heard the footsteps come closer until they were right in front of the couch that i now lay home to. then they stopped. i smelled smoke, making me think of marla. fucking marla

"you've really let yourself go, haven't you jack?" tyler spoke, i stiffened in my place, as i struggled to get up, but my unused legs had failed me, and i just fell to the ground.

"jack" i heard tyler speak "that's what you're calling yourself now?" i had turned my weak body to face him, and he, he looked exactly the same, the same hair, the same eyes, the same red fucking jacket, and the same damned smile.

"ain't that from that.." he shakes his head taking a hand and moving it over his hair trying to remember where it was from, "that book right? the book written from the body part's perspective" he stops for a moment before he continues "you are jack's wasted body, unable to stand the fuck up. you are jack's broken heart, beating fast at the sight of the last person he had ever loved" he chuckled my heart feels as if it was going to jump out of my chest.

"what, you really thought i never noticed? i am in your fucking mind jack. i know everything about you, i know everything that you do" tyler smirked

fuck off i had told him, my voice was hoarse and scratchy, from the lack of use, the lack of water. my throat had hurt from using it i went into a coughing fit as i did my best to set myself up against the couch.  i am jack's throat burning as if it were on fire.

tyler had mimicked a frown then begun to laugh "awe isn't this cute? you can't even tell me to fuck off without hurting yourself" he chuckled as he pushed me over by my shoulder with his foot until my body was slumped on the floor again. i had felt the tears prick the corners of my eyes as i coughed and gasped for breath.

tyler had left me on the floor and went to the kitchen, i watched him with blurry eyes. and i don't know why but minutes later here tyler was bringing me water and something to eat. tyler had propped me back up leaning me back against the couch and he fed me making sure eat all of eat. this moment seemed to last forever, but it was only a few minutes until it was all gone.

tyler had helped me up putting my arm around his shoulder and walked me to the small bedroom and onto the mattress. every time he touched me it shivers all through my body, but in my exhaustion, it left me unable to respond to anything he does. i wanted him gone, i never wanted to see him again. i just wanted to know why the hell he was here.

"you're so ungrateful" tyler muttered his hand beginning to stroke my head, i involuntary leaned into the touch, accepting it.

"y' know it took me a while to recover from the gunshot," he said. i had curled up in myself wanting nothing more than to run, flee to just get away from tyler. i wanted to jump out of my bedroom window and plummet to my likely death. it was pretty tempting at this very moment.

"jack," he said gently and i hated it "jack look, i'm sorry, i became a monster, i was so drunken with power and i never meant to hurt you the way i did" he sighed frowning something that seemed genuine.

"and i promise you all the shit i said to you, i didn't mean it, i didn't mean any of it" i wasn't going to trust him, of course, i wasn't he ruined my life, but for the first time in so long i was finally able to rest, close my eyes, i felt myself fall asleep, with tyler's hand on my head stroking it gently.

tyler was a bad person, all i wanted to do was run from him, to get away and to never think about him again. but yet here i was letting him baby me i couldn't fucking stand it i wanted him to stop. but i didn't either because being this close to tyler made me happy, something i hadn't felt in so long. i wanted to trust him, i did. i wanted him here, to keep me warm, to talk to me, to love me.. everything he did was so beautiful. i am jack's fluttering stomach full of butterflies, i am jack's beating heart, and i am jack's fuzzy mind.

all those months ago i thought i would be done with him, and all those months ago i thought i would never have to see him again. i thought i had fallen out of love, with him. and oh how i was wrong, so definitely wrong.

and a month into all of this it seemed to go wrong, so horribly wrong, and for the first time since he broke down the door to my apartment walking in he was smoking, the smell had reminded me of the old house, just before he created project mayhem, before marla, when it was just us, just me and him.

"hey, jack," tyler said as he got up from the old couch. he was wearing his bathrobe, i haven't seen him in since, before project mayhem, he started towered me grabbing one of the used coffee mugs from the table. i noticed the anger in his eyes as he shoves me against the wall, his arm against my throat he didn't say anything just smirked that damned smirk at my desperate choked up pleas, i tried to push him off me, tried to make him let me go, it was no use because my strength was nothing at all compared to his.

"you're so fucking easy to manipulate, it's too easy" his breath smelling heavily of cigarettes. tyler durden, the man i fell in love with and the man i had fallen in love with once again. had smashed the mug across my head. i fell to the floor, my head was pounding, now warm blood runs down my face. "think of this mug as the fabric of society crashing down on your skull" he smirks, something dark in his eyes.

i am jack's regret, and i am jack's sorrow

then everything went black.

—
hahaha bitch you thought

i am jack's broken heart, slowly stopping.

poor jack, he doesn't get his happy ending with tyler.

i haven't slept because i was finishing this and watching a movie, and i am so fucking tired.

anyway,  wash your hands, mind your distance, stay indoors, stay safe and stay healthy.

-james