Can This Be Real?

Chapter 18: Chance encounter in New York

Derek POV

The cold… the wind… the snow… holy cow. Unlike the warm sunshine of Southern California in January, this is a real winter. It has definitely been an adjustment for me to get used to but I’m loving it. The new scenery around me is definitely a breath of fresh air. I love the buzz of the city. I love that I am able to walk everywhere and get lost in the crowd. I love that everywhere I look, the beauty of the architecture of the buildings can distract me and a distraction is definitely what I’ve needed lately.

I’ve had so many thoughts running through my head as of late, so being in a new city and busy with rehearsals has kept me sane. The overwhelming excitement and buzz surrounding this show is amazing to be a part of. Career-wise, I am ecstatic to feel this renewed inspiration and passion for performing again, for challenging myself to try something new. However, the high from the excitement surrounding the show doesn’t mask the low of not having Bethany around to share all of this with.

I had a little time in between rehearsals so I decided to walk a couple of blocks down to Bryant Park to get a little crisp, fresh air. This has become part of my routine lately. I find myself enjoying these little breaks in my day where I can just sit on a park bench and try to collect my thoughts… or mostly stalk Bethany’s instagram or twitter to find out what she is up to.

It has been a little over 3 long weeks since she left LA and we haven’t spoken or texted since. I am trying to give her space so she can figure things out and when I do call or text, she doesn’t respond back. I honestly can’t blame or be mad at her because I knew that being together wouldn’t be easy. I knew that something like this could happen. I just honestly thought that she believed in what we have enough to not give up that easily.  

It’s probably my fault to be honest. It was probably too much too soon. Maybe I should have taken things slow after I told her I had feelings for her. Maybe we moved too fast by going on that roadtrip to Big Sur. But… the time we’ve had together has been incredible and I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.

Gawd, I just thought she would feel and see that what we have strong enough to make it through all of the intrigues and tabloid stories. I thought she would see that our relationship was worth it… that she would try.

I can’t lie, it hurts. You would think after 29 years of life, the countless heartbreaks and failed relationships over the years, I would know how to deal with this a little better but this time it’s different. I want this with Bethany. I feel it in my bones that she is the one. I just wished she really understood that. That she had trust and confidence in me to know that I am not playing any games and I am completely in this but I also have to remember that she is only 19. Gawd, she is only 19.

All of my concerns and apprehensions about admitting the feelings I had for this 19 year old are the same concerns and apprehensions about sustaining a relationship with a 19 year old. I guess I thought that once we admitted our feelings for one another, everything would fall into place, love would conquer all and we would live happily ever after. But that is just not the case. So I walk aimlessly around the city with countless thoughts running through head about how we could make this work. How Bethany and I could make this relationship real.

I must be going a little insane because as I was walking, I could’ve sworn I heard Bethany’s distinct laugh echo through the park. I shake my head trying to regain some sense into myself because that would be impossible. There is no way she would be in the city. She would’ve told me she was in town… right?

Look at me… now, I am going crazy and hallucinating. Thinking that I am hearing things and getting worked up over absolutely nothing. Uh, Derek, get yourself together. I finally found an empty park bench and sat down to enjoy my coffee. As I pulled out my phone to scroll through instagram, for some reason my attention is brought away from my phone to look up. I turn my head towards the right to look to the other side of the park. For a split second, my mind thinks of Bethany as I see a brunette with her back towards me. The way this woman’s hair is slightly curled with the ends a slight blond color just like Bethany’s. I think to myself, great not only am I hearing things, now my eyes are fooling me into thinking I see Bethany just because of the similarity in hair color. I let out a little laugh as I turn my head back to focus on my phone.

After a couple of minutes, my peripheral vision catches a woman in the far distance walking from the opposite side of the park. As she walks closer towards me, I can’t help but think she looks so familiar. I wait until she gets close enough so I can clearly see her and that’s when it hits me… Bethany’s manager. I mutter, “Christine?”

I hear the shock in her voice as she replies, “Derek.”

My head quickly turns away from Christine towards where the brunette was standing at the other end of the park a moment ago and whisper, “Bethany…”