Can This Be Real?

Chapter 6: So much to be thankful for but something is missing

Derek POV

I was definitely excited for this time off to spend with my family. It has been a long and eventful year, one that I am so thankful of. I sit on the porch watching my nieces and nephews run around the gorgeous open yard of my sister’s house in Nashville. I can hear the rambling of my sisters discussing ideas for dance wars. Completely tuning them out and my mind wandering off, I just nod my head in agreement to whatever was being said. As happy as I am here, I can’t help but think of Bethany. From what she is doing right now to wondering if she was thinking of me.

Julianne snaps me back to reality by saying, “Bro, a little input would be nice. Where are you right now, you’re a million miles away.”

Sharee adds, “what are you so deep in thought about?”

Katherine and Marabeth, in unison, clarify, “maybe the right question is not what but who are you so deep in thought about?”

Everyone lets out a laugh as my mom interjects, “Let him be…Look, maybe he is reflecting on how incredibly regretful he is to let the girl of his dreams walk away.”

My sisters all laugh and say, “Ouch.”

In shock, I say, “Really mom?!?! I am your only son. You are supposed to have my back not add fuel to the fire. Plus, I didn’t let her walk away.”

My mom replies back, “ Sorry, hun… but it is so clear that she is everything you could possibly want. So I, for the life of me, don’t understand why you are moping around and not doing anything about it. ”

“I thought I’m doing the right thing. I am letting her just be 19. I am just letting her live her life and giving her a chance to find herself first. I don’t want to pressure her into being in a serious relationship with someone who is a decade older. I don’t want to scare or pressure her into the thought of getting married and having kids.”

Sharee interupts, “Sorry babe, but as much as you think that YOU are ready for marriage and a family, you’re not. Let’s be honest, you have so much on your plate, with the new show in New York and I know there are so many things you still want to accomplish in your career. So don’t tell me it’s the age thing and you both are at different stages of your life. You both are still going after your dreams and there’s nothing wrong with being together as you both do that.”

Julianne adds, “She’s right. It doesn’t mean that you have to deprive yourself from happiness and can’t enjoy being in each other’s lives. Have fun, enjoy each other’s company, get to know one another and continue to inspire each other like you have over the last couple of months. We all have seen the influence and how happy she has made you. And, you can’t deny the impact and role that you have had in giving her a new sense of confidence as she takes the momentum of DWTS to really catapult her career.”

“That’s exactly what I’m doing though. I’m giving her the chance to take every opportunity that comes her way without her feeling obligated or tied down to me because I want a relationship.”

Julianne then questions, “ Really? Cause why did I hear that you haven’t even told her you have feelings for her. For all she knows, she has this tiny, one-sided crush on her partner and once the show ends it will all fade away because you never told her that you felt the same way. ”

I shake my head and mutter, “Uh, Mark…”

Marabeth adds, “What, Derek?!?! For all of your concerns regarding her age, you never thought just how much doubt and second-guessing a 19 year old, who has never been in a serious relationship before, would have interpreting the meaning behind all of your moments together, the sweet gestures and stolen kisses. You never thought to help clarify it by telling her that it really meant something and you felt something more for her beyond the partnership or the show?”

My mom adds, “Honey, you have to understand that its hard for any girl, much less a 19 year old, to trust that the sweetness or affection that an older guy is showing could possibly be real. Plus, you add the fact that she sees not only you but Mark, Val and even the girls be affectionate and a bit flirty sometimes, it would be hard for her to pick up that what the two of you have is different or special or means something more. You have to tell her that she means something more and that the experience you had together was real.”

I nod seeing the point of what they were trying to say. I decide to tell Bethany how I feel but I really wanted to say something in person and not over the phone. I figured in a week when we are both in LA would be a perfect time to lay everything on the line and tell her that I want more. I thought to myself, I just have to wait out a week. A week is not that long at all, what could possibly change in a week.