Can This Be Real?

Chapter 10: Escape to Mexico

Bethany POV

As I was trying to nestle into bed late at night, my mind just kept replaying the entire night over and over. I really didn’t want to stop by…now I know I shouldn’t have but Mark and Witney had called to guilt trip me about this being the last time to get to see one another before my trip to Mexico and they go off on tour. I figured I wasn’t going to let the discomfort with Derek affect my relationship with the rest of the cast because they have been so good to me.

 Since I left Derek’s house, I have been dodging countless texts and calls all night from Witney, Julie, Mark, Julianne and even Val to find out what was going on and if I was ok. Into my semi-slumber, I hear my phone ring and was surprised that it wasn’t anyone of them… calling this time was Derek. I froze. I let it ring a couple of times as I was battling with myself on whether to pick it up or not.

 I didn’t… I just let it rang. Seconds, maybe even a minute had passed, when I heard my phone ring saying that a voicemail had been left. I tossed and turn thinking about if I should listen to it but before I had even come to a decision, my hands already fumbling my phone to play it back.

 After an initial silence, I heard heavy breathing and then Derek:

Babe…Bethany, I’m so sorry. Just everything about tonight wasn’t how I wanted things to be. For weeks, I had been dreaming and thinking about how seeing you again for the first time would go. The only thing I have been thinking about since DWTS ended was you. You’ve left quite an impression on me, Mota, and now things without you are just not the same. I need you in my life so don’t shut me out. So Baby, please tell me that you didn’t mean what you said when you said goodbye. Tell me what’s going on, what has changed that made you not even want to talk to me or see me lately. Just talk to me Baby…please.

 Hearing him calling me baby… I closed my eyes and felt tears stream down my face. I could hear every ounce of pain in his voice. I could feel that he was hurting just as much as I was. I wanted to call him to tell him that I was sorry, that I wanted things to be and that things could go back to the way things were before. But then I thought, I don’t want things to be how it was before because I wanted something more. I wanted to be with him. I wanted him to want me not just as a friend but more.

 But I don’t think he could really see me as that. As much as Mark used to tease me about being Derek’s type or even when I see glimpses of Derek looking at me in a different way, I know that things would never work out between us. I’m too young and too inexperienced, what could I possibly offer him… why would he be interested in me. It doesn’t help that he’s dated so many gorgeous and accomplished brunettes before me, how could I possibly compare.

 I should just delete the message, forget everything that ever happened and move on but I can’t. I can’t fight this urge to not cut him out completely. I still want him around. I would still foolishly pine away for him.  So I texted him:

 Hey, I just wanted to say I got your message. I’m leaving for Mexico today and I just didn’t want to drive you crazy over the next couple of days thinking about whether or not I even listened to it. So...I wanted to tell you that I did. I just need some time still. B

 He texts back: Thank you, thank you for even listening to it. Take all the time you need. I will be right here waiting for you. Love you, D.

 I boarded my flight to Mexico. Even though this trip was for work as I was scheduled to shoot some pictorials for my new collection for Aeropostale, my team managed to include some time for moments of relaxation. Planned to go salsa dancing (since I was such an expert now haha), explore the city and just lay out by the beach/pool. Thinking that this little vacation would take my mind off things, in reality, all I could was spend this time to think about him. What am I going to do when I get back to LA? It hurts too much to be around him when he doesn’t feel the same way about me but the thought of not having him around sucks and I don’t want to hurt him either. I had no clue what I was going to do.