Sunshine (Student/Teacher Romance) 18+

20

Abel

I kissed her. Well, she kissed me, but I kissed her back and that's what's so wrong. I don't know what happened, it came so quickly, like a primal instinct. Having her that close to me. The music playing in the foreground. The smell of her hair. The taste of her lips. And the words that came out of my mouth without warning. It makes me think of you, too. I'd lost control.

I'd done what everyone warned me about. What everyone told me happens to the best of them. It happened to me.

After staring at her in utter shock, my hands shielding my lips, which still had subtle traces of her left on them, I went straight for the door.

I hear her footsteps following after me as I grab my school bag and begin stuffing the students journals back inside. My mind's buzzing like a siren's gone off in my head, and I only see through tunneled vision, but I can still feel her following me as I make my way through the house, reaching for whatever articles of clothing my hand comes into contact with and shoving them into my old college backpack.

"Mr. Caswell, wait!" She stops me with a single touch, her hand on mine, feeding the hunger that began from the absence of contact. Like a vibration that courses through my entire body until I cut it off again, pulling away from her like she's a poisonous snake.

"I'm sorry, this entire thing was a bad idea."

"It's okay—"

"Okay? In no way is this okay, Ari!" I raise my voice without thinking and dim it down just as quickly. "And in no way did I intend on that happening." I drill my eyes into her as if to mark my words and then I continue gathering some of my things. "That's not what I wanted to come out of this at all."

"I know you didn't, but I wanted it to happen." She speaks behind my back. "If I wanted it, then what's so wrong?"

I whip around to look at her. "It's completely wrong. I'm sorry."

"Mr. Caswell," she repeats and I shut my eyes tightly as her hands reach for me again.

"Ari, no! Stop it!" I step back from her only for her to match my step. "We can't. We cannot do this."

"We shouldn't, but we can."

"No. Can't and shouldn't, Ari. Never."

"Mr. Caswell-"

"Don't call me Mr.—" I pinch the bridge of my nose, squinting. "I mean, yes. Only call me Mr. Caswell, because that's who I am to you. I'm your teacher, not your roommate. Not your friend. Not anything else."

"Abel," she says, softly. And for some reason I'm frozen where I stand until she reaches out for me, then I'm back stepping until my shoulder blades hits the wall. "When you look at me, you aren't just looking at me like I'm another one of your students. You didn't touch me just now like I'm another one of your students. Don't tell me this is one sided."

Of course I can't. Her lips were so soft, so sweet. She hummed in a way that made me feel like my veins were on fire. And then I had to find it in me to pull us apart. That's what hit me the hardest. Being at war with myself. Like I didn't have control over my own impulses. I didn't know I had that in me.

"Abel."

"It's Mr. Caswell, Ms. Reid." My jaw tightens as I feel that inability to fight away the thoughts of pinning her against the wall and picking her up so she can straddle me. "I'll see you in class tomorrow."

"Where are you going?"

"To a hotel."

"Don't be stupid, Abel. Stay here."

"You're making this way too hard for me."

"This is your house, if anything I'll just leave." She goes to reach for her backpack that she'd left by the front door and I knock her hand away.

"No, you stay here. I don't want you out on the street."

"I'll give you space, just don't leave."

So I stayed.

She locked herself in my room the rest of the night as I tried to will myself to sleep. How could I? How could I after the five seconds of passion we shared?

I'd never felt a kiss like that before. And now I never will again.