Sanctuary (A Dan Smith/ Bastille fanfic)

16. Dan

I don’t know why I do it but I end up offering Chloe a lift to college. Like she doesn’t think I’m awkward enough, I now suggest spending more time with her to make myself seem like more of a freak.

But somehow it doesn’t go quite as badly as I thought it would. Other than my original boring polite comment on how she is finding London, which I already know she hates, conversation is flowing about a topic that I could speak about for hours; David Lynch. I find myself biting my lip to stop myself continuing talking about him as I don’t want to come across as some obsessed teenage freak.

When we get to college we both realise that we’re heading to the same place as we have most of our classes together. When we walk in the room she sits on the chair next to me and I don’t actually feel awkward about it like I did before. I don’t want to sound too optimistic about the situation, but it seems like we could actually be friends.

My thoughts from last night make me laugh. I actually thought she wanted sex. I thought she was offering to have casual sex with me but in reality she put on my favourite film and then fell asleep. What a twat I am.

In history, we’re asked to discuss a historical artefact with our partner. This time last week we sat next to each other in silence, but now conversation is flowing and I am somehow finding the lesson strangely enjoyable. And it’s all because of her. We’re laughing and joking like neither of us are awkward idiots and like we are able to hold normal conversations like normal people. Except neither of us is normal in this place, not even anywhere close to normal

By break time I’m sure that she’s bored of me but weirdly it seems natural that we find a place to sit together. She gets her cigarettes out and holds the packet out offering me one. I smile and take one as a polite response. She intrigues me. Here we are on a crowded playing field with teachers all around but Chloe basically sticks two fingers up to them all and does whatever the fuck she wants. And if that’s lighting up a fag in front of everyone, that’s what she’ll bloody well do.

“I don’t know how you live with your sister. Those bitches are so fucking infuriating.” She narrows her eyes towards the group of girls who she is talking about. The girls are sat in a circle with boys kicking footballs their way every now and again, causing painful shrieks to come from the sluts. “No offence or anything.” Chloe snaps her head towards me to analyse my expression.

“Infuriating is a good way to describe them, that’s for sure.” I chuckle slightly and I see she relaxes at my response, her shoulders dropping slightly. I watch as she tries to hide her smile by taking a drag of her cigarette.

“I don’t really understand this world.” She looks back to me for a response.

“I don’t either.” I admit.

“It’s bizarre to me.” She turns around so she is facing me more. “It’s like a backwards world here. It’s like a bloody teen movie. There are mean girls and cliques and people don’t just get on with it. They’re actual bitches who don’t include people, which doesn’t seem fair. It seems completely strange to me, but in reality I bet I’ve just been living in some secluded bubble my entire life which is so much more desirable than this true representation of teenage life. You know?” She looks at me with desperate eyes, searching my face for an answer.

“I don’t really have anything to compare it to but if your old life was like that then I want to be there. This is just shit isn’t it?”

“It is.” She pauses whilst she observes the field. “Have you always been alone?”

Woah. That kind of hurt. My smile falters as her words stab me. I’m alone. I’m completely and utterly alone. I’ve always been alone. And I’ve always known about it. But another person asking me that somehow hurts more than the alone feeling that I’ve had my entire life.

I’ve grown up and excluded myself away from anybody that has ever attempted to be friendly with me. I guess deep down it’s because of my parents’ negativity towards me which has spurred on my own pessimistic outlook on life. I have always assumed the worst in myself and everybody else I have ever come into contact with.

“Well you aren’t alone anymore.” She speaks after taking my silence as a confirmation of my loneliness. As the field starts to empty of students she stands up and holds her hands out for me to take hold of to help me up. “Fuck these next lessons, let’s go get drunk?”

Chloe smiles a sinful smile and drags me the opposite direction to where our next lesson is. “Do I get a say in this?” I ask sarcastically.

“Nope! We’re getting drunk today.” She simply states. This is my kind of friend. It’s taken a while, but I knew somewhere out there, there was someone just as fucked up as me. Or just as normal as me maybe? Whichever way you look at it, we’re the same.