Sanctuary (A Dan Smith/ Bastille fanfic)

52. Chloe

When I wake, I half expect Dan to be there and I can't help but feel let down by the fact that he's left. Just like he did before.

Anger runs through me as my fears become true and I realise that Dan has played me once again. How could I be so foolish to let him into my life and for him to screw me over like this.. Literally and metaphorically.

I roll over in my bed and groan at my idiocy as I replay last night's events. Why would I believe him? Why would I actually give him a chance? What a fool I am to trust him and to actually fall for the lies once again. I should have seen past the lies, for Christ's sake he's still with Eloise and I believed that it was me he wanted. If that was true then he would have finished it with her long ago and made it clear to me what he wanted.

Why can I not just find a nice guy who loves me just as much as I love him and for it to all work out like a normal relationship? Because I'm tainted in love, that's why. Because I can't seem to get over the shit head that is Daniel Smith, that's why.

I huff a frustrated sigh as I try to put the image of him out of my head. I try to sleep some more but it's not use, all I can see is him. I sit up and lean over the bed to my glass of water on the bedside table but before my hand reaches the glass I notice something that I wish I saw ten minutes before, then my thoughts wouldn't have been going so crazy.

I notice the handwriting immediately and my heart races as I panic about whether this is a good note or a bad note, like it was before. My hands shake gently as I pick up the paper and I sit up in bed to read the note.

"I'm so sorry that I had to go without saying goodbye but I didn't want to wake you when you looked so peaceful sleeping. But this isn't like how it was before, I promise you that. I know you said no promises but that is one promise that I will keep. I'm going to make it up to you, I swear, and I will prove it to you by giving you the time and space that you said that you need. I'm here whenever you feel ready so please call me at any time of day and I'll be there for you. I never imagined that I would be able to have another chance with you and so please hear me when I say that I will work so hard to make you know how perfect you are to me. Last night was incredible and I won't be able to stop myself from thinking about it. Believe me when I say that I love you. Yours forever, Dan x"

I realise there are tears forming in my eyes and I smile as I wipe them with the back of my hand. I laugh gently at my idiotic thoughts from a few minutes ago. He actually meant it. He actually meant it when he said he loved me. I feel the grin on my face and all I can do is hope that he will follow through with those promises.

I suddenly feel awake and feel the need to get out of the house and go someplace where I feel comfortable and happy, a place where me and Dan enjoyed together. I leap out of bed and quickly get changed into my usual shorts and t-shirt combo, throwing on my converse after without any thought about what my hair or face looks like, I just need to get out of this cramped house with some negative memories of mine and Dan's past. If I'm going to try this thing with Dan then I need to get rid of all those negative thoughts and focus on my future with him, a happy future where I have forgiven and forgotten about his past and I don't ever bring it up. I know that it will take time, but reminding myself of how good we were together will make it easier for me.

I'm out of the door within minutes but my good mood is quickly diminished when I see something that I feared I would see.

"Oh." I accidentally let out, causing Dan and Eloise to turn around and notice my presence. I could have just ran back inside but instead I just had to go and get their attention, didn't I. Dan's face surprisingly lights up but just a few seconds later he composes himself as he remembers that he's in front of Eloise. He's still playing his stupid mind games with the two of us. Look at him, his girlfriend next to him and his bit on the side in front of him. If he would have told her then he wouldn't need to look away from me like that, he could finally be himself.

"Hi." He replies as if nothing has happened between us. I'm ready to shout at him or tell her about what we did last night, but no words come out of my mouth. Instead I just stare gobsmacked at the happy couple as Dan places a knife straight into my chest.

"Hi." Eloise repeats, gripping onto Dan's hand as she leads him down the pathway towards his car. He pulls his hand away as soon as she grabs hold of it and he looks at me and shakes his head as if he can read my thoughts. He knows exactly what I'm thinking at all moments, it's like we have the same brain at some points. Except when it really mattered and we were both in love with each other without saying anything; we could have probably done with having mind reading powers at that point. "Let's go Dan." Eloise orders and he rolls his eyes immediately but doesn't do as she says.

'I'm telling her now.' Dan moves his lips silently to tell me the news that I was hoping to hear. 'I love you.' He mimes again before following Eloise to his car.

If he meant what he just said.. No mimed.. But if he meant that, which I believe that he did, then I'm ecstatic, elated, overjoyed, all of that. But I can only hope that he follows through on those words before I allow myself to feel those positive things. I can't get my hopes up until he actually proves it to me, no bullshit promises but actually showing me that he means it. Actions speak louder than words after all. Then perhaps we could get to where he supposedly wants us to be.

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