Sanctuary (A Dan Smith/ Bastille fanfic)

42. Dan

I sit waiting awkwardly for Chris and Chloe's return, but I'm secretly hoping they don't come back.

Why, after all of these years, have I managed to get myself in this situation?

She was totally harsh towards me, but she had every right to be, even I know that, I'm not a total idiot.

Well I am a total idiot for ever letting her go.

And now I'm sat here waiting for her and her boyfriend to come back in.

I'm kind of angry to be fair, I truly hit it off with Chris and it's sods law that I can never see him again because I was a shit to his girlfriend all those years ago.

Christ, it really has been years, hasn't it? You would have thought that the pain that I felt when I left her would disappear, but I haven't been fortunate enough for that. I'm glad that she is in a happy relationship and so my thoughts would be crazy to turn to her.

I have Eloise as well, after all.

Why did I choose Eloise? It's obvious that I was choosing the easy option and I didn't want to face the possibility of throwing something away that may have been good. And our relationship, it has been good.. At some times. At others it's been an absolute disaster and I've really taken the term 'walked over like a doormat' to the next level. At least I know that, we're both pretty clear about who is boss in our relationship and I don't know if I could handle it if it were the other way around.

I'm staring into nothingness, imagining how different my life may have been if I made a different choice when I still had the chance to, when Chris sits back down in his seat. "Sorry about that mate, she gets a bit funny sometimes." He chuckles as he takes a swig of his lager.

"I know." I laugh back, imagining all the times she's thrown a strop with me before. I picture one tantrum of hers, where I told her that she looked girly. I still remember it like it was yesterday. She was wearing a dress for once and she had let her hair down so it flowed onto her face. She totally hated the compliment that I attempted to give her and so stormed back inside to change, then moaning all day about she can't even wear a dress without comments being thrown. A few days later she wore the dress again and simply put two fingers up at me, realising that firstly I was trying to pay her a compliment, and secondly that she shouldn't give a shit about what anyone else thinks, and she would look beautiful in a bin bag anyway. "It can get ridiculous sometimes; always storming off like it's the end of the world and then she'll realise she's being an idiot a bit later on." I rock my head back and forth and laugh.

"What?" Chris furrows his brows in confusion and my laughter halts. Oh balls.

"I mean.." I fumble for my words and feel like face planting myself with my hand. "I mean, just women, you know?"

"Yeah, typical girls! Anyway, she'll be back in a moment." He has no fucking clue. I almost feel sorry for the grin that is spread across his face. I don't know whether I should bother telling him that I know her or not, but surely there's no point. I don't think I'm ever going to see him again after tonight. I can't, not if Chloe is around. I'm finally over her and don't want to risk any old feelings arising, on my behalf of course.

"Hey." Chloe sits down and pretends like nothing is wrong at all. I know her better than that though, and the look in her eyes tells me more than enough.

Is this as painful for me as it is for her? Of course it isn't, she has Chris here for support. I sort of wish I had Eloise here for a bit of comfort although that would make this awkward situation ten times less bearable. I can only imagine the joy that Chloe would feel when she drops the bombshell on Eloise that me and Chloe slept together. I shudder at the thought, I've lasted 4 years keeping this secret from Eloise and I don't want Chloe to endanger that.