Sanctuary (A Dan Smith/ Bastille fanfic)

59. Dan

-5 years later-

"You aren't listening to a word we're saying, are you?" Will nudges my arm and snaps me out of my trance. I shake my head and try to get back in the moment but it's hard, I'm finding this whole thing harder than I ever thought I would do. My heads been fuzzy for days now in anticipation for this moment, and now it's come and I'm still not sure how to act.

"Sorry dude." I apologise as I search for the packet of cigarettes that I know are somewhere in my suitcase. I need that feeling of relief that, sadly enough, throughout the years I've only ever found in a cigarette.

"Dan!" Kyle calls in shock when he sees the relief in my face when I finally find the packet and take one out, putting it to my lips, the simple feeling of having it that close is calming me.

"Oh sorry." I apologise again and hold the packet towards him, my cigarette sitting lazily on my lips. "Want one?" I hope he doesn't, I need at least this whole pack of 20 to stop myself from vomiting right now.

"No I bloody don't!" Kyle exclaims. I offer them around to the others and they all look at me in shock, shaking their heads. I don't need their judgemental glares now though, I just need this little stress relieving piece of gold in my mouth. "You're not serious right now?!" Okay, who am I kidding; maybe I do care about their judgements.

"Jeez okay, I get it guys." Kyle snatches the cigarette from my mouth and I sulk like a child, sitting down in my seat. My hands instantly find my shoes, searching for laces, why the fuck do these shoes not have fucking laces at a time like this? I fumble around with my shoe anyway, playing with the tongue of the black leather loafers. I hate smart shoes. Why do we have to wear them? It's not like people are going to be looking at my feet. Oh shit, people are going to be looking at me though, how did I not think about that? I'm going to be in a room full of people and I'll be at the front in full view for everyone to see.

"You're more nervous than me Dan." Woody remarks in a sarcastic tone and I glance up, narrowing my eyes at him.

"I'm not nervous; I don't know what you're talking about. Me, nervous? Never." I speak quickly, hardly taking a breath in between sentences. I'm not just nervous, I'm totally bricking it.

"Dan, we all know you far too well to know that's bullshit. For Christ's sake, you just pulled a cigarette out and I've never seen you smoke before in all the years I've known you." Kyle remarks whilst sitting down next to me.

"Old habit." I shrug, not wanting to be the subject of questioning at a time like this. Suddenly Woody's parents burst into the room and I'm relieved to see all attention taken off of me. I greet them politely, kissing his mother's cheek and shaking his father's hand, and I allow the group to engage in excited conversation. I tune in and out of their chatter, occasionally replying to Woody's parents when a question is aimed at me, but my mind can't seem to switch off, it's racing with all of the possible things that could go wrong today.

Then suddenly everyone in the room is standing up. There are more people here now, when did they get here? Everyone is smiling and giving encouraging hugs and high fives before they leave the room, leaving the four of us alone again.

"It's show time." Will smirks, patting Woody's back and leading us out of the room.

Kyle, Will and I stand at the entrance greeting guests, my heart thumping against my chest anticipating the arrival of one particular guest. I turn to Kyle next to me, sure that he can hear my heart pounding, but he seems to be unaffected, instead politely shaking hands and directing them inside. He knows that there's something wrong with me though, constantly glaring at me.

"Snap out of it mate." Kyle pushes my arm and I nearly fall, not paying any attention to him at all.

"Dude!" I exclaim, steadying myself. I childishly push him back and he laughs, retaliating by pushing me again. We're laughing now, pushing each other's arms and play fighting, which is working wonders for my nerves, taking my mind off of my biggest worry of the day. Before long I have him in a headlock, both of us laughing loudly whilst Will tuts at the inappropriateness of our play fight.

"Dan." I freeze at the sound of her voice. She's here, she's behind me. I turn around slowly and I'm right, it's her standing in front of me now. I have to remind myself to breathe whilst I drink her in and she's looking just as beautiful as she always did, her hair is in soft curls around her face and she's wearing a stunning dress which she looks amazing in, but I know that she is probably hilariously uncomfortable wearing it. "I see you've grown up a lot." She teases, eyeing Kyle bent over with his head wrapped up between my side and arm.