Sanctuary (A Dan Smith/ Bastille fanfic)

33. Chloe

I cry to myself for hours. By the end of it, I'm exhausted and I don't even know why I'm crying anymore.

I'm afraid that I overreacted but the fact that Dan hasn't called, texted or even come around my house indicates that I had every right to act in the way that I did. Usually when I dramatize anything Dan will be first to tell me that I'm being an idiot, so maybe he feels truly guilty about the situation and is therefore trying to work out what to do.

I know that if he doesn't come around then I will end up caving in and making the first move, which I really don't want to do. I used to be so stubborn but now I know that I can't really cope without Dan so I will have to make up with him if he doesn't make an effort to. But I'm also pretty sure that Dan needs me just as much as I need him.

If only he knew just how much I want him.

I've stayed up half of the night wondering how long he will leave it, but at gone 3am I realise he won't bother tonight and so I try to put my mind at ease and let myself fall asleep.

........

I tossed and turned all throughout the night but with no luck. My thoughts raced about everything. The feelings, the lies, the new relationship, the anger, the hurt, the sadness, the eventual heartbreak. All of this mess isn't normal. Why is my life no longer normal?

I decide to blame my mother.

If Alan would have never of got a promotion then he would have never moved to London. If my mother wouldn't have met him, she would have never of moved to London to follow his new job and uprooted me and Sam with her. If we wouldn't have moved to London then I wouldn't have met Dan. If I wouldn't have brought the two of them together they would have never of met. If they would never have met then it wouldn't have caused me this pain.

So all in all it's my mother's fault, hers and bloody Alan's.

I never wanted to move to London. I never wanted to meet Dan. I never wanted to feel this upset about him.

Before, I had a lot of friends but I hardly actually cared about anyone. Perhaps Eloise and Rhys, my ex-boyfriend who I don't care for anymore. And now it hurts even more that Eloise and Dan, the two people that I have let myself care about the most have lied to me and made me feel this sad.

I decide to get up and attempt to enjoy the sunny Sunday morning and not let their actions get me down any further. I've already let it give me a sleepless night and that's plenty.

I go to the bathroom to have a short shower to wake me up. I turn the tap on and wait for the water to warm up slightly before stepping inside the bath. I try to push my thoughts to the side as I focus on the water that is pouring down onto my skin, making me feel fresh and clean.

When I'm finished I wrap a towel around my body and walk slowly back to my room. I don't have the energy to move quickly today. I dry myself off and dress in a pair of denim shorts, a blue t-shirt and a pair of white converse. I run a brush through my hair and then ruffle it around a bit, allowing it to take to its natural wave. I put a tiny bit of make-up on to cover the dark circles on my eyes gained from having no sleep last night, and then I'm good to go. I do the usual thing by grabbing a book, my phone, some headphones and my debit card and shoving most of the items in the pocket of my shorts but keeping the book in my hand.

I manage to leave the house without seeing any of my family and I'm grateful for it. My mum has such a keen interest on my social life, it's infuriating. She keeps hinting that me and Dan are an item, little does she know that she's totally misunderstood our friendship and he's actually dating my best friend.

I find myself walking the streets and can't help but remember the first weekend that I spent in London. I follow my steps that day and end up at the river again. I find an empty bench and make myself as comfortable as possible and begin to read my book.