Sanctuary (A Dan Smith/ Bastille fanfic)

45. Dan

"You didn't tell me you were back in contact with Chloe." Eloise stands with her arms crossed and an angered expression, a look I've come to know far too well over the past 4 and a half years. She taps her foot impatiently as she waits for my response but I feel like I shouldn't have to justify myself. She shouldn't have to question me about this. In this fairly late stage of our relationship she should feel confident that I would tell her if there was anything that she needed to worry about. But her interrogative approach is making me irritated.

"There's nothing much to tell." I shrug, trying to stay strong by not defending myself to her attempts of an accusation of infidelity.

"Dan." She quickly bites in a high pitched voice, showing her shock at not gaining a full explanation about the situation immediately. She's not used to my disobedience, which isn't exactly the best thing. "Now, I'm going to ask it plain and simple." Her patronising tone is getting me more and more agitated. If she thinks this is the way to get through to me she's totally mistaken. "How long have you been back in contact with Chloe?"

"Why?" I challenge her further to see how far I can push. I know she won't be afraid to create a scene in the middle of the park though, so I'm wary of how much I should test my luck.

"Because I'm your girlfriend and I have a right to know!" Her voice continues to rise in pitch and volume to reveal her raising temper. "Do you honestly think I'm not going to ask any questions about what just happened? You think you can just shrug it off and we aren't going to discuss this?"

"Not here." I turn and walk towards the car, half to escape from the questioning and half to buy myself some time to think of what to say. This is going to lead onto the conversation about why me and Chloe stopped being friends and I always find myself tripping over the lie that would end mine and Eloise's relationship.

"Well then?" She starts again as soon as the car doors are shut.

"Erghhh." I give in and I know that I'm not as strong as I would like to be when it comes to arguments, especially when I'm faced with the queen of all arguments. "I've seen her once. I met Chris about a week ago and we were talking about starting up a band. Then we met up again last night and he brought Chloe with him, who I thought was his girlfriend but obviously not. There's literally nothing more too it."

"Why did you not tell Chris that you knew each other?" Here comes the prying.

"I dunno." I shrug again, knowing after that she will be annoyed by my gesture. She always moans about how shrugging and saying 'I dunno' is such a bad habit of mine and that I do it far too much. "We just found it really awkward and never made it obvious that we knew each other. We didn't really get the chance to anyway; she left pretty quickly and clearly felt just as awkward as I did."

"I don't understand though. Why did she feel so awkward?" Her face turns to a slight frown as she ponders over my explanation.

"I dun-.. I think that it's just been so long and neither of us knew how to react. We haven't spoken for what, four years?" Four years, has it really been that long? Four years has passed which is far longer than the length of mine and Chloe's short friendship. It feels weird that I'm still hung up about someone who I only knew for half a year. But the intensity of our relationship made it seem like it was years rather than months that we spent together as friends. Friends and nothing more.

"So what about the whole obsession thing? You went into so much detail about how she had acted and that was the demise of your friendship. But she seemed to think it was a different story. What was it that she was pushing at?" I panic as the expected questioning arises and I fumble for my words to make up a story to cover my tracks further.

"I.. She.. She did tell me she had feelings for me which is when I knew that our friendship was wrong. I wasn't going to sit there and lead her on, was I? So that was why I dropped all contact with her. And I wasn't lying about some of the things she did, that's another reason why I decided to distance myself. You know what she's done; she was trying to get in your head." I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I'm covering my own tracks by tarnishing Chloe's name, when in reality she's done nothing wrong. We found ourselves in a horrible situation and I can never be truthful about it. In my head, it never happened.

"Okay." She nods her head and I wait for further questioning but she stays quiet.

"That's it?" I'm shocked by her silence as I expected more.

"Well what more can I say? I know she had feelings for you, and I'm pretty sure you had them for her." I try to protest but she holds her hand up to stop me. "I'm not an idiot Dan, I know that you two were close and I know you cared for her in more ways than just a friend cares. But I also know that you're a good guy and never acted on those feelings. But remember that you made your choice, and I'm not happy with you speaking to her again. Please respect that. Now, let's go." She turns back around in her seat and puts her seatbelt on.

I nearly reply to her but I know that whatever I say won't matter. What she's said is completely fair; she doesn't want me speaking to Chloe because she knows that feelings were once involved. All I can do is exactly what she has asked and respect her.

But my plan to not speak to Chloe lasts a whole hour. Me and El are watching TV and she's fallen asleep, curled up under a blanket, when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I casually pull it out to see a text from an unknown number. Getting slightly curious I unlock my phone to reveal the message and am totally shocked when I realise its sender.

-"Hey Dan, it's Chloe. I think we need to talk properly. Would you be able to meet up tomorrow?"-

I take a while to consider the message before making my decision to reply. It can't hurt can it? Seeing her just once more.

-"Yeah sure I think that's a good idea, we have a lot of stuff to talk about. Just give me a time and a place and I'll be there."-

I take a deep breath in and wait for her reply. I want to put the past behind us and move on from what happened when we were teens. I want closure. No, I need closure. This is what we need.