Sanctuary (A Dan Smith/ Bastille fanfic)

56. Chloe

"Fucking hell Chloe, what the hell has happened to you? I've hardly heard from you for the past few days and then... Shit, Chloe are you crying?" Chris notices my red face as he nears and quickens his pace to engulf me in a tight hug. "I've been going fucking crazy Chloe love."

"I'm sorry." I start crying heavily, letting Chris comfort me. "It's just.. Dan.. And... Oh fuck." My breathing is jumpy and there's no use trying to speak at the moment, I've worked myself up too much and I need to calm down before I even attempt to tell Chris what has happened.

"Calm down. Sshhhh." He rubs my hair to help me compose myself. "Talk about it when you can."

I take a few deep breaths before trying to speak. "It's stupid." I rub my face and sigh. Chris shouldn't have to hear me moaning about my problems.

"It's obviously not stupid if you're this worked up about things." He points out and I huff in agreement. "Now sit here and I'll make you a cuppa." Chris directs me to the sofa and then walks through to the kitchen.

I start processing in my mind what I'm going to tell him. I can't tell him the truth of the reason why I'm so upset because then I look like a stupid idiot. I shouldn't be crying about this. I should have got over this. I thought I had gotten over this.

4 years. 4 stupid bloody years that man has unknowingly controlled my feelings; both towards him and towards other men. I was never one to hold a grudge but at the end of the day, it's him that is the reason why I find it difficult to trust people. One of the first men that I fell in love with and he fucked me over, and now I've let him get into my head and do it all over again.

I wish I never saw him last week. I thought that we would be able to work things out and by the looks of it we did, but somehow it was the start of a downward spiral for me and him, and now I've got to work my way out of it this pit that he's thrown me into once agaain.

I don't know how I've allowed it to happen, but I am in exactly the same position that I was with him when I was 18. I've allowed myself to admit that I'm in love with him and he's taken that opportunity to throw it straight back in my face.

How could I be so stupid? Of course he didn't end it with Eloise. Of course he was the selfish bastard that he always has been and didn't do what he said he had done. I think if he would have been honest about it and told me that he hadn't told Eloise yet then maybe I would have been more okay with it. I would certainly have held off with being with him and I would make it clear that I'm not comfortable with being with someone who is technically in a relationship with someone else. But now he has completely thrown away any trust that I had in him and made it even harder for me to ever trust him again.

My mind races thinking about all of the things he has told me over the past few days. He's told me a lot about himself and he's told me countless times that he wants this to happen between us, being clear about his love for me and his past regrets.

"Do you wanna talk about it then?" Chris places a mug in front of me and sits down next to me on the sofa. He lifts his arm up and I cuddle into his side. Feeling his warm comfort suddenly eases my sobs and instantly puts me more at ease.

"You're like an amazing cuddly teddy bear, you know that?" I snuggle closer and feel Chris's chest move as he chuckles.

"Are you calling me fat?" Chris remarks and I can't help but laugh. He always manages to make me laugh when I'm feeling like hell. "Well, I'll take that as a compliment." He ruffles my hair.

"I'm so glad I have you in my life." I sigh loudly. "You're what a friend should be, you know?"

"So this has got something to do with an old friend of yours I take it?" I groan at the thought of Dan, showing Chris that he has indeed guessed correctly.