Dreams of the Future

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I raced home, speeding 99% of the way. I know JJ said that what she wanted to discuss was nothing bad but the tone of her voice didn't suggest something happy either. I opted out of taking the elevator and chose to sprint up the 16 flights of stairs to our apartment on the 8th floor. I shoved my keys in the lock and rushed inside. I saw JJ lying down on the couch; she lifted her head up at hearing me come in. I put my backpack down and shook my jacket off before going to kneel down next to her. I was a little relaxed when I saw there were no tears in her eyes nor any sign that she'd been crying.

I brushed a free strand hair out of her face, "Jennifer look at me," her eyes met mine, "Something's wrong, I can tell. Tell me what it is." She sat up, legs criss-crossed, on the couch and motioned for me to sit next to her.

"Nothing is wrong, honestly. I've just been doing some thinking and..." She paused.

"Baby, what is it? You can tell me anything"

"I just I-I have no idea how you're gonna answer this, a-and I want a certain reaction that I'm scared I won't get..."

"Hey, it's just me... I'm not gonna get mad or want a divorce or anything like that, just ask me"

"So I-I've been thinking, now that we're married... h-how do you feel about-about having more kids... maybe?"

I smiled at her, "That's what you were so scared to ask me?"

"Well... yeah"

"I mean I— where did this come from?"

"Well I've been thinking about it for a while now and today I was here for like 3 hours basically, by myself alone with my thoughts... and I don't know I just thought— I thought it might be nice?"

"You know I love kids, Jen, so I mean it when I say I'd be on board... there's just a lot to consider when neither of us are able to personally donate any sperm, if you know what I mean."

"I do and I totally understand. We can adopt— that's always a viable option. But I-I think I'd be willing to do IVF and carry your egg if we take that route, and I'm also comfortable with artificial insemination."

I sighed, "There's a lot of things to weigh: success rate, cost, genetics... But I love you, and it's a discussion that I'm willing to have."

"Really?! You mean it?"

"Yeah, really... we can do it. We can do anything as long as we have each other." She jumped into my lap and wrapped her arms around me. I kissed her forehead and soothed her by running my fingers through her hair.

"I can't believe this is what you were so reluctant to bring up, Jen"

"I just really wanted you to say yes, and I was so worried you'd say no."

I chuckled, "It's very hard for me to say no to you, even when considering life-altering decisions like this one."

"Well I don't want to bring another baby into your life if you aren't ready, Y/N/N... are you? Ready?"

I took her hand in mine and lifted her chin up so she was looking at me, "I'm ready. I wanna do this with you."

She kissed me on the cheek, "Have you ever... thought about it? Like, how we'd go about doing this? Like I have?"

"Yeah, I mean I can't say it's never crossed my mind... I've imagined what it would be like if we did artificial insemination, and you carried the baby."

JJ smiled at me, "I'd like that."

"Yeah? It would likely be the most cost effective, and the baby would have your genes... we just have to pick a good sperm donor."

"True. Anonymous? Orrrrr, someone we know?"

I chuckled at that a little bit, "Someone we know? Like who, Jay?"

"Pfft... I don't even know. That might be a bit more complicated I suppose. I think it's better if we just find an anonymous donor."

"I agree. We have lots of time, don't worry. There's no rush."

"I know, baby," a kiss, "But uh... when do you wanna start thinking about this?"

"Well," I cleared my throat, "There's a fertility center affiliated with George Washington University, Shady Grove I think it's called."

"Yeah, I think I know where that is... do you know anyone who's gotten treatment there?"

"You know Gina and Eleanor in Counter Terrorism? They did IVF there, said it was a good experience overall."

"Aw, good for them! I didn't know that."

"Wanna see if we can meet with a doctor there? Have them talk to us about our options?"

"Can we try and go this weekend?"

"Whatever you want, Jayje" I pulled her in for a hug and held her close to my chest.

She mumbled into my neck, "Did you come straight here after your run?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You smell very sweaty. You need a shower."

I let go of her and stood up to grab my things, " I know, I feel gross."

I started walking toward our bedroom to get in our shower when I heard JJ get up to follow me, "Do you uh... do you want some company?"

I started peeling my clothes off my sweat-coated body, "Why? Did you wanna keep me company?"

She bit her lip, "Yes please?" I tilted my head toward the door to signal it was okay for her to join me, and she ran into the bathroom while simultaneously stripping from her clothes like a teenager. By the time I was ready and walked into the bathroom I saw JJ was already in there— her blurry silhouette peeking through the steamy glass of our shower walls. I slid the door open and stepped in behind her, wrapping my hands around her waist. We stayed in the shower for about half an hour, not having sex but simply washing each other and taking time to appreciate the present as well as dreams of the future.

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