Confessions Of A Teenage Writer

A crippling fear

You want to write. You want it more than anything you have ever wanted. You want it more then you want to be a few sizes skinnier or even a few sizes bigger. You want it so bad that it scares you because you don't know what you would do if you never became what you want to be. There is nothing in the entire universe that would make you feel more complete. To be a writer. For people to see you as a writer. Not just any old writer a good writer, a brilliant writer. The type of writer who's works are beloved by all people of all kinds.

One thing stops you from your goal more than any other. Fear. No matter how much you desire to be a writer there is a feeling inside you that cripples you. That makes you doubt yourself. That makes you feel as though what words that pour out from you will never be good enough. Every word you write comes from deep within. You write out with your very soul on display for all to see. You don't want to feel the burning rejection if someone says something about how terrible your manuscript is. You don't want to feel as though you are incompetent. As though anything you write will never be that brilliant perfection that you feel you see is in every single one of your favorite books. A perfection that you know somewhere inside you has never existed and never will.

Worse then the rejection is when you do succeed. In the beginnings of success it feels absolutely wonderful. You feel elated that you have finally accomplished what you wanted to accomplish. Then comes the overwhelming feeling of "What then?". What will you do next? Will you be able to continue on in your success? Everything feels just to good to be true. You feel as though you are waiting for disaster to strike. What if you mess up so bad after your success that what success you did have does not matter anymore.

These fears are ones that I harbor everyday. I want people to love my writings and I want to be able to continue to be successful in my writings. Even now it takes a lot for me to type out my work, because that fear is such a prevalent thing in my life.

I am terrified of success. The thought of such a significant change in my life makes me want to stop typing and go hide away under my covers. I feel that I'll simply let others down in the end if I don't finish a story and do it well. The knowledge that people you don't even know are counting on you to continue writing your best work is scary. The worst feeling is when you know that others are disappointed with something that you have done or worse still when they are disappointed because you didn't do something.

I always try to strive to make sure that I write my best work so that anyone who reads will enjoy it. I also like to strive to make sure that every word that is written is true to myself. That whatever I write is something comes from my heart and is not influenced by anyone else. Writing is an expression of who I am. I try to write for myself and no one else even if my greatest fears come from not wanting to feel rejection.

Fear is the block to your greatest source of light. Never let fear control you instead use it as a guide to doing your greatest deeds.

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Love everything you do, forget your fears, and remember those who love you unconditionally.
Thank you so much for reading!!!!
I love you!!
-Ilovexica
p.s. If you love to do something, do it. Forget your fears they only hold back your true potential. Be the person who you were meant to be. Let yourself be led by your dreams they know where you are meant to go and what path to take. Don't let others hinder you from being the beautiful human being that you are. Have faith, everything will go the way that it is meant to. Life is a journey. Don't let fears hold you back. You are a wonderful human being who's voice needs to be heard.