Confessions Of A Teenage Writer

The End is Near

There comes a time in every part of our lives where we feel it in our hearts that the end is near. It is that feeling of anxious acceptance that comes when we least expect it.

For me and for this story that feeling is reaching me. A chapter of my life is coming to a close and a new beginning is approaching. I am happy to say that writing this story has made me feel extremely proud. So much of myself has been given here and I am so thankful to the people who have taken the time to read it.

This story is coming to an end. This chapter may not be the last, but with three months of High School left I feel the time to finish this story is slipping away.

This story had always been about writing and how writing has attached itself to me in recent years, but there a few things that must be said before this story can be considered complete.

These past four years have been some of the most terrible and rewarding years of my life. Growing up and trying to find myself has been so difficult. I have felt the transitions between the feeling of rebellion, the feeling of not being good enough, feeling anxious, to being happy, to accepting myself for who I am.

The middle of my freshman year of high school my family lost their home. I was devastated. We moved into a small apartment complex and have remained here for the rest of my high school years. The home we lost was the one I had lived in since I was a small child. I grew up there, took my first steps, said my first words, danced my first dance. All the animals I had previously owned were buried in that backyard. Leaving that place was one of the hardest things I had ever done.

So the rest of that year and into my sophomore year I didn't know how to act. Everything had felt sad and the world had dimmed for that period of time. However, with my family at my side I realized that even though what had happened sucked I was happy that we were still together. That what makes a home a home is the love that is shared between the people who live in it.

It had taken a long time for me to realize that. In between the acceptance I was so angry. Day after day I was arguing and getting mad for no good reason and crying. I was always crying. I had this idea that everything was my fault. That the reason that my family was in the situation they were in was because of me. I had also gained an attitude.

I realize now that my attitude always came out because I didn't know how else to let out my emotions. What could I say to my family? How could I have conveyed what I felt? The only way I thought I would be heard was through sarcasm. I was so wrong.

I ended up saying things I didn't mean and hurting those I loved because I felt that I deserved something that I didn't have; but truly I wasn't missing anything. I was just so caught up on in my own feelings that I couldn't see the truth.

Every now and again I revert. Me and my family will argue, but now I think I'm doing better. I see more clearly then I ever had before. During the past four years so many things have happened, but that loss, I feel was the catalyst.

These events and those raw feelings are part of what got me to write. Writing has been an outlet a place where I could be honest. A place where everything that came to my mind could be documented. Where my emotions could hold the reigns.

So as the end draws you know a little more of my writing beginnings. A part of a time in my life where I struggled. I hope that all of this has helped you.

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Write, be honest, and stay true to your family, it doesn't matter if your family is related to you by blood or not they love you more then you know.

Thank you so much for reading!

-Love yah!

-Tiana Wolfe (Ilovexica)