Ang init ng hapon. Sobrang init na parang galit ang araw. Walang hangin, walang kahit anong galaw sa paligid. Pero ako, papunta na sa opisina niya, bawat hakbang, ang bigat. Hindi na dapat ako bumalik sa serbisyo pero kailangan. Kaya ang bigat sa akin ang desisyong ito.
Panahon na naman ng recruitment. Panibagong batch ng kadete. Panibagong dugo. Panibagong simula... kung naniniwala lang sana ang sistema sa ikalawang pagkakataon.
Huminto ako sa harap ng pinto ni Heneral Soldevilla.
Dalawang beses akong kumatok.
“Pasok,” his voice came from inside, unreadable as always.
The office still smelled like leather, dust, and discipline. Hindi nagbago. He was seated behind his desk, eyes scanning a document, glasses slipping low on his nose. He didn’t look up right away. He never did.
“I want to be part of the recruitment team,” I said.
That got his attention.
Napatingin siya. Dahan-dahan. Tiningnan niya ako na para bang multo ang nasa harapan niya. He had offered me chances to get back on the service at ngayon ko lang naisipang bumalik... O mas malala pa… parang hindi niya alam kung anong gagawin sakin nang makabalik na ako.
“Sigurado ka ba?” tanong niya, kalma, pero matalim. “Talagang tingin mo matutuwa ang mga magulang na ikaw ang mag-e-evaluate ng mga anak nila?”
Napakagat ako sa loob ng pisngi. Hindi ako umimik. Pero ramdam ko, parang may humigpit sa dibdib ko.. Parang sinampal ako ng totoo. Pero hindi ako umurong. Tumayo lang ako ro’n. Wala akong balak umatras.
“They’ll see someone who didn’t run.”
He leaned back, arms crossed. Studied me like I was a weapon he wasn’t sure would fire cleanly.
“You think you still have what it takes?”
“I didn’t stop having it,” I said. “Hindi ko lang ginamit sa tama noon.”
His face hardened. The silence between us wasn’t awkward, sanay na kami doon. But this one felt heavier. Like he was waiting for me to break. Like he wanted to see if I’d flinch.
“You’re not scared?” tanong niya.
“I’m not stupid,” I replied. “But scared? No.”
“You’re still hated,” he reminded. “And people don’t forget easily. Especially when it comes to Gia.”
That name.
Gianna.
His niece. My... almost everything. The girl whose shadow never really left the room.
“Then let them remember,” I said. “Let them see me standing in front of them anyway.”
Nagkatinginan lang kami. A beat passed. Two.
Then finally, he spoke, softer than I expected.
“You really think this is how you make it right?”
I shook my head. “No. But this is how I keep going.”
For a moment, I thought he was going to say no. That he’d stand up, shout, order me out. But instead, he sighed. Heavily.
“I’ll give you a spot on the team,” he said. “But don’t expect anyone to hold back. They’ll want to test you. Break you.”
“I’ve already been broken, General,” I said quietly. “What’s left of me won’t shatter so easily.”
His gaze lingered on me as I saluted and turned to leave.
And just before I closed the door behind me, I heard him say something that caught me off guard.
