Mirror of Perfection (hisollumi story)

Chapter 30 - The 2 people in the world

Illumi's Pov:

I hear Killua scream from outside. He did leave me. I thought he loved me. I stare at my arm. There's 7 new cuts. Each one higher up on my arm. My whole arm is covered in my blood, it's dripping onto my floor. I have a corset on too. Its really tight to the point where it hurts to move. But he was using me for my body and still got rid of me. So there has to be something wrong with my body. I put a black hoodie on, to cover the corset and the cuts. Its not like I'm leaving my room, but when I look in the mirror I can see Killua crying at the sight of me. 

I sit on my floor. I don't have anything to do but think. I miss Killua. But i don't want him to see me. Not like this. I need to be perfect. Is it my hair? Should I cut it? 

Flashback:

Young Killua: "Illu-nii"

Young Illumi: "Yeah Killua?"

Young Killua: "You should grow your hair out, it'll look good!"

End of flashback

I can't cut my hair. But I can trim it. I go to my bathroom and take a pair of scissors. I take 2 inches off the end so it looks better now. Is it my scars? Something I can't get rid of? I feel sadness, but I don't cry. I just sit on my floor. I could shower. But whats the point. No one loves me anyway. 

(time skip)

Its 3 in the morning, but I can tell everyone is awake. I can hear Killua crying, hes been crying ever since Hisoka came by. Gon tried to go in but he locked the door. I could hear Alluka crying too, Kalluto usually doesn't cry, but hes sobbing right now. I can hear Gon trying to comfort them, but I can tell hes hurting too.  

I lay on my floor. I want to hold Killua. But I don't want him to see me. A text. From my mother. "were staying out for another 3 months." Thats fine with me. The longer the better. I stay on the same spot on the floor. Moving is too hard. I don't have food either. Thats ok, I deserve to starve.

Killua's Pov:

He pushed me away. I always thought no matter how many people he pushed away, even he pushed every living thing away, I would be an exception. I would be the person he stayed with. I thought we could fight the world together but I don't even have that anymore. I scream into my pillow even though it burns my throat. I curl into a little ball and cry. I need Illumi, but he doesn't need me anymore. I always told myself and everyone I'm close too, that I protect Illumi and stay so close to him, for his own heart. And I do, but I also do it for me. I've been close to Illumi my whole life. He raised me. He taught me. He loved me.

The door knob rattles, I don't plan on getting up and letting them in, but they let themself in. Its Gon. I flip over so he doesn't have to see how pitiful I look. "Kalluto and Alluka are asleep" He says quietly. He closes my door and comes sits next to me. He doesn't try to make me face him, or acknowledge him. He just gently puts his hand on my arm. His touch is so light and delicate like a feather or a leaf. I move back so I'm pushing into leg. Hes so gentle and kind hearted. His body is so warm and comforting. He starts to sing, and I start to cry. Illumi used to sing this to me all the time. "Do not enter, it's written on the doorway" His voice is so soft and welcoming. "Why can't everyone just go away?"  I flip around and put my head on his lap. "except you"  He puts his hand in my hair rubbing my head. Its not the same. "you can stay"  

He lays down. Spooning me. He wraps on arm over my body and rubs the other through my hair. "I know its not the same" He whispers calmly and quietly. Gon is the only person in the world other then Illumi who knows rubbing my head is my weak spot. Even if its not the same, its comforting, and I fall asleep.