Mirror of Perfection (hisollumi story)

Chapter 31 - Does it mean more when he says it?

Gons Pov:

Illumi has been locked in his room for 8 days straight. Killua has been crying in his room since Hisoka came over. Neither one of them will come out, although I'm allowed to see Killua. Since the two Zoldyck brothers that are like the parents won't come out, I've been taking care of Kalluto and Alluka. Making them breakfast, putting them in bed and basically a bunch of other stuff. Illumi can go up to 3 weeks in his room without food, but I hope he comes out soon. I'm not sure how much more of this Killua can take honestly.

Alluka and Kalluto are distracted watching cartoons, so I go upstairs to Killua. I sit on the bed next to him, his eyes are red and puffy, he has dark eyebags from lack of rest, and his hair is messy and tangled. It hurts me to see him like this, but I pull him into my arms. He cuddles into my chest and starts to lightly cry. "I-I'm so-sorry" He stutters this out, his voice is so quiet and broken. I try not to cry, I need to be strong for him. I kiss his forhead, holding back my tears. "Its ok, your ok" I say in a gentle voice. He curls into me "I l-love when y-you hold m-me" My eyes widen, sparkling with tears. I can't let him see so I tell him "I love you Killua, its ok for you to rest, please" He closes his eyes and I hold him tight, gently kissing him before he falls asleep.

Illumi's Pov:

Another text from Hisoka. I don't look at them. I don't want to hear what he has to say. I don't need to. But its tempting. So I do. 43 texts and counting. "Illumi please answer me" "Are you ok?" "I'm worried about you" "Call me back please" "Tell me your alive Illumi" Should I choose to leave him on read? I go to open my phone and he calls me. I accidentally answer. 

"Illumi! Thank you for answering, you don't have to respond but please don't hang up. I know I didn't protect you. And I am so sorry. I shouldn't have left you. I wasn't thinking. I miss you and when we kissed at the dance it was amazing. And I still left you. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself, and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't either. Please give me another chance though. I love you so so much, please" He started crying almost as soon as he started talking. I'm just sitting there. Should I? I love him too and I miss him. He apologized for leaving me. But I don't feel perfect yet. Then he adds

"Don't hurt yourself because of me please, your perfect and amazing and I love everything about you down to your very last scar. I love your hair. I love your eyes. Your lips. Your cute little nose. I love you more then anything in the world." I look down. I take my corset off and take a deep breath. I sigh and hang up. 

I get up and go to the shower. I undress and stare at myself. My arms are covered in dry blood. I'm thin enough you can see my ribcage. Thats not perfection. Is it? I don't know. Hisoka's body is perfection. I get in the shower, washing my hair, my body, my face, still wanting to change things.