Metanoia | J. POTTER

11 | revelations

Rose Evans had never felt more wrong in her entire life. It was now November making it over two months since she last talked to James Potter.

As soon as she had returned to her room after the interaction, Tonks had been waiting as promised and Rose had cried herself to sleep as the Hufflepuff tried her best to console her. Rose Evans had cried. And not only that but she had cried herself to sleep. That just wasn't something she did.

Tonks was in shock. When the redhead collapsed on her bed, completely inconsolable, she had absolutely no idea what she was supposed to do. So she pulled Rose onto the bed and under the covers, holding her as she cried and not letting go even after Rose's breathing leveled out.

The entire school had a good idea of what had happened within a week of the 'break-up' and they wouldn't stop talking about it, making the whole situation that much worse. Rose had hexed a third year who had told her how sorry they were for her. They made it seem like James was the one who decided to end things.

"It'll blow over," Tonks said as they entered the Great Hall. Rose narrowed her eyes on the girl, "Something else will happen."

Rose shook her head. She had said the same thing but two months had gone by and nobody would stop talking about it.

"I just want to eat and then go back to my room to fall asleep and never wake up," she explained.

Tonks's face scrunched up, "Hmm."

During the past two months, if Rose had learned anything, she had learned James's schedule down to a 't.' In hindsight, it seemed rather stalkerish that she knew when he was at a certain place but she did it to avoid unnecessary interaction.

Today he happened to be off schedule.

The room fell silent when they saw that Rose had entered the room and she grew confused at this. She was about to look at Tonks to ask what was going on when it registered. James was sitting at the Gryffindor table.

He seemed just as clueless as she did until it dawned on him that no one was talking. It was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. He looked up and around the room until his eyes landed on Rose.

"Rose, don't-" Tonks tried but it was too late. The redhead had already turned and ran from the Hall.

James moved to go after the girl but Sirius swiftly grabbed his arm and pulled him back into his seat. The former looked at his friend and Sirius merely shook his head.

James had spent the last two months trying to forget Rose. Stupid Rose Evans. He just wanted to forget about her so it didn't hurt so damn much every time her name was said or he saw her in class.

It was harder at first. He had even skipped classes a few times because the idea of being in the same room as her and being forced to act like she meant nothing to him seemed impossible. It was impossible.

But eventually he was able to return to the classes they shared together. He had learned that if he actually paid attention in class and kept his sight as far away from Rose as it could get, the hollowness in his chest waded into more of a dull ache that he almost didn't notice. Almost being the key word.

Lily and his relationship had been going rather smoothly. When she had asked to talk to him, it had been about Petunia. Her older sister had replied to one of her letters calling her a lot of nasty things and James laid with her until she fell asleep. As soon as she was asleep, he had gone to the Black Lake to meet Rose.

Bloody Rose Evans.

If he hadn't agreed to talk to Lily or he had told Lily they could talk later, would things have been how they are now? Would his best friend no longer be missing from his life? Would he no longer be accompanied by a void so apparent to himself and everyone around him? It sure seemed like that was the case, especially when he laid in his bed in the middle of the night, the room pitch black.

He felt awful right after the thoughts crossed his mind every single time. Of course he should have gone with Lily. She needed him. But what Rose had said stuck with him. I suppose it was only a matter of time before you switched off just like everybody else.

Was she right? Did he just leave her in the dust when Lily finally said yes to him? He certainly hadn't meant to and it seemed to him that he had been the only one trying to keep their friendship going.

It was because of that stupid dream that night he accidentally fell asleep in Rose's bed. He was sure of it. It was stuck in his head for weeks, even after Rose ended their friendship and even now. Why did the subconscious have to do stupid things like show you telling your best friend you're in love with them?

It had felt so real that it had freaked him out. He thought he had done a good job hiding his discomfort but maybe he hadn't.

"We've already missed out on a good fifteen minutes of practice," Sirius informed him and James snapped out of his thoughts. "We should head to the Quidditch Pitch."

James nodded in agreement before standing up. The rest of the group stood up as well. They all came and watched whenever they had practice. Watch being a relative term seeing as they usually just sat in the stands and studied the whole time.

"James," Lily spoke up and he turned to look at her. "I'm going to head to the common room. I have a lot of homework to get through."

He nodded, "Yeah, okay. I'll see you later?"

She smiled in return, "Of course."

The girl turned around and walked off, leaving the boy to discuss anything and everything Quidditch. She left the Great Hall with a sigh.

Lily wasn't stupid. She knew something had happened between her sister and James she just had no idea as to what it had been. She even decided to beat around the bush and just straight up ask James what it was but Sirius interjected, saying, 'It's best not to ask questions that you don't really want the answer to.'

She had contemplated asking Rose but she didn't think she would get a different answer from her than what she got from James.

As she made her way to the common room, she stopped as she heard familiar voices coming in her direction.

"I'm not saying anything," Rose stated simply. She was talking how she did whenever her and Lily got in a fight. Affirmative and letting everyone know that what she said was how it was going to be. That's how it always was. Lily pressed herself against the wall and out of sight as the pairs footsteps grew louder.

"It's not fair to her!" Tonks, Rose's friend from the Hufflepuff house exclaimed. "And it's not fair to him either. He deserves to know that you know and she deserves to know that he said that to you the day before asking her out and her saying yes."

"Nymphadora," Rose said sternly, stopping her walk down the hall. She turned to face her, "They're both happy. I have no interest in getting in the way of that."

"But he doesn't love her," Tonks pointed out. "He loves you."

"You don't know that and neither do I," she countered. "We haven't talked in months. He's most likely over me and head over heels in love with her."

"You don't know that."

"I don't not know that either."

"Rose," she tried. "There's no way this all plays out well. Someone's going to get hurt."

"Well it's better that it's me than either of them," she replied. "I have work to do, I'm going to head to the chamber's."

"Just think about it Rose, okay?" she requested. "You deserve to be happy too."

"There's nothing to think about," Rose shook her head. "If it's a choice between my happiness and my sister's? There is no choice to be made."