Metanoia | J. POTTER

22 | scars

"Come on!" Rose exclaimed. "I'm fine!" She placed her forefinger to her nose, "See?" She bent down and touched her toes before standing back up. "I've never been better!"

"I can let you go tomorrow," Pomfrey pointed out.

"What's one day early?"

"What's waiting one more day?"

"It's Hogsmeade weekend!" she exclaimed, "With the way this year has been going, it'll probably be the last day I can go." Rose huffed, "Please, Pomfrey? I'll come by as soon as I get back. Just a few hours."

"Fine," she agreed reluctantly, "But I want Potter with you the whole time."

James's head shot up at this. He had been sitting by Remus's bed, looking through his Quidditch plays. "Me?

"Do you know someone else named 'Potter'?"

"Well, no, I-" he shook his head, placing his play book on the foot of his friend's bed. "Just why me? Why not Lily or Tonks or-?"

"Because I decided on you," she cut him off. She turned to Rose, "It's Potter or you're not going."

Rose turned to James with a hopeful expression and the boy faltered, "I wasn't planning on-"

"Please, James?" she requested and he frowned, "I really want to go. Just for a little."

He let out a sigh, "Alright, fine. But only for an hour."

She grinned, "Thank you."

His heart warmed involuntarily at the sight of the girl being happy, "We'll go as soon as I'm done, I want to finish up the plays for the next game."

She grabbed the playbook and placed it against his chest before grabbing his hand, "You can take it with you."

"But - wait!" he tried but she had already dragged him from the room.

Remus looked over at the doctor, "You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

Pomfrey fought down a smile, "I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Lupin."

"I thought Rose wasn't supposed to be out until tomorrow?" Tonks inquired as she entered the infirmary, looking back at the door in confusion. She turned to the two in the room, "Where are they going?"

"Pomfrey's playing matchmaker," Remus explained as the woman disappeared into her office without a word. "Apparently she's rooting for Rose and James."

"James can barely look at her."

Remus frowned, "I'm aware."

While, initially, things had been going fine between the two. It seemed that James had developed a sort of revulsion to the girl. He seemed to be unable to look at her without appearing as though he were about to throw up.

Rose was not having it and it seemed that she was the only one who understood the sudden odd behavior from the boy. As soon as Rose started going off on the boy, the others were quick to leave the room so they could have their privacy but they could always hear the redhead yelling as they tried to get away.

It was always worse for Remus seeing as he couldn't go anywhere and was forced to listen to her scold the boy. He wasn't going to tell Tonks no matter how much he may have wanted to. And he really wanted to. But it wasn't his thing to tell.

Although, admittedly, he could understand both sides. He had been playing the pairs fights over in his head but he honestly couldn't think of a solution to their problem because he couldn't relate to the issue. He hadn't gone through what they had but he was painfully familiar with having scars.

The worst part was they seemed to not want anyone to know but Remus couldn't help but overhear. He had tried to cover his ears with his pillow but it did nothing because they had been yelling. His wand was too far and he was too tired to try and reach for it even though he desperately wanted to silence them. He felt as though he had been intruding.

"I have scars, James!" Rose exclaimed, her voice laced with both irritation and anger. "It's a part of life and there's nothing that can be done to fix it!"

"This is different," he countered, shaking his head. "This should have never happened. It was-"

"You're right, it shouldn't have happened," she agreed. "But I shouldn't have gotten any of my other scars either." She lifted up the sleeve to her right arm and pointed at her elbow, "I broke my arm when I was nine and had to get a screw put in. I wasn't supposed to ride my bike without my parents or Petunia watching me but I did it anyway."

She pushed down the sleeve and lifted her shirt up to reveal her stomach, "This is from that day in Diagon Alley, when we had that run in with the Death Eaters? I was hit by some of the brick wall that had exploded. Never healed properly because I didn't get it treated."

She turned around and pointed at her lower back, "I got into a fight with a pureblood Slytherin and they managed to land a hex." She turned back around to face him and gestured to her face, "This one and the dozen others littered across my body are from Snape's stupid spell."

"You never had a problem looking at me then, why is this one so different?" she inquired as she lifted the sleeve to her left arm. "So what? It says 'mudblood'? That's the truth, isn't it?"

"Don't-"

"It is the truth!" she exclaimed. "I'm a muggleborn wizard! So what! I'm not going to give any power to a stupid slur that was created so people like her could make people like me feel like shit about myself! And I'm certainly not going to let you keep refusing to meet my eye because of it!"

"You don't get it," he shook his head, "You don't understand-"

"Of course, I understand!" she yelled. "Something terrible happened to us! Something we can't undo but we shouldn't let it hold so much power over us! We shouldn't let it take away anything else from us! Certainly not each other."

"It was different for you!" he finally shouted and she couldn't help but be taken aback. He finally met her eyes and his eyes welled with tears. "The one thing I swore that I would always do is keep you safe! And the time you needed me the most, I was useless!"

"James," she began as she circled the bed and made her way toward him. "You weren't useless. Had you not been there...I - I probably would have given in," she admitted and he frowned, shaking his head slightly. She was quick to continue before he tried to convince her otherwise, "I would have. I'm not in Gryffindor for a reason. I'm not brave, I'm selfish but you - you helped me be brave."

She raised her hand to the side of his face and he leaned into her touch. "Please, don't pull away from me," she requested. "I need you to help me keep being brave."

He closed his eyes for a moment and he leaned forever, resting his head against hers. He moved his hand so that it was covering hers. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head, "Don't apologize."

He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he pulled her closer to him. He pulled away slightly although he still held her.

Rose hesitated for a moment, "I know I just asked you to help me be brave but I'm not sure I'm ready to just jump right in." He smiled slightly as she continued, "Do you think we can keep whatever we are between us? Just for now. I'm already going to have enough eyes on me once they see my arm and I really don't think I can handle all of the 'she's with her sister's ex' comments right now."

He nodded in agreement, "It's probably for the best. Plus, it saves us from having to deal with Padfoot's comments."

Rose laughed, "Maybe we should just keep it a secret forever."

He grinned, "Sounds like a plan. We can just go into hiding after Hogwarts and cut ourselves off from the rest of the world."

"We have a deal."