Metanoia | J. POTTER

20 | dream catcher

Rose stared up at the ceiling, unwilling to let sleep overtake her. Bellatrix. All she could think about was the witch. And the pain from her spell. And the permanent scar on her arm.

James had his arms wrapped tightly around her abdomen and she was grateful that he had fallen asleep. The bags under his eyes made it clear that he was having trouble and she wouldn't have a repeat of last time. At least he showered.

She felt help shift next to her and she looked down at him. "No," he muttered and she frowned. She brushed the hair that was matted to his forehead away from his face. "Rose."

His eyes were shut but his face was contorted in pain. "James," she tried, "Wake up." He moved but his eyes remained shut. She shifted her position and moved so that her face was aligned with his. "James," she tried again. "Whatever's happening. It's not your fault. It's not real."

"I'm sorry," he mumbled and despite the fact that he was asleep, a tear slipped down his cheek. "Rosie, I'm sorry."

She swiped the tear away with her thumb and rested her forehead against his. "I forgive you," she said, "I will always forgive you." He moved again and she watched him warily, "James?"

"Rose?" he replied and his eyes opened after a moment.

"I'm right here," she informed him as he moved his hand to the side of her face. "I'm okay. Everything's okay."

"No, it's not," he stated, his voice breaking slightly. Her heart broke at the sound and she quickly wiped away another tear that had slipped down his face. "Rose, I'm sorry. I should have done something. I should have-"

"We talked about this already," she reminded him. "There was nothing you could have done."

He closed his eyes for a moment, pressing his forehead closer to hers as though he were trying to make sure she was real and actually there.

She watched him for a moment, scanning his face. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. He immediately reacted, gently kissing her back as he moved his hand to her hair, holding her closer.

They pulled apart after a moment and she leaned closer to him, her nose brushing against his slightly, "It's not your fault but I forgive you. For everything you did or didn't do. Please don't blame yourself."

He shook his head slightly, "You shouldn't forgive me. I don't deserve it."

"James," she said vehemently. "Don't do that. You're forgiven. I promise to you, you're forgiven. Please forgive yourself. Please."

He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers once more. He took a deep breath, "I love you."

She smiled at this, wiping yet another tear from his face and resting her hand on his cheek, "I love you too."

Eventually, with lots of persuasion, Rose managed to convince James to go to sleep again. She was hopeful that he could at least get a few hours in with no bad dreams. And if he woke, she would be there to coax him back to reality.

Rose herself still couldn't bring herself to sleep which was admittedly hypocritical of her. Everytime she closed her eyes, she could see Bellatrix towering over her as she began to carve her skin with the dagger or she could see the look of terror on James's face as he tried to stop it but failed.

It was better to go without sleep then to deal with that.

"He's not in the room," Remus announced, "He has to be here."

"Chairs empty," Sirius pointed out. "I smell him though." They all turned to look at the bed that was concealed by a curtain.

"You don't think they..." Tonks trailed off, "Do you?"