Metanoia | J. POTTER

19 | overheard conversations

"It's like when she was comatose earlier in the year," Pomfrey explained to the group. She had protested the number of visitors for one patient but then Remus claimed to be feeling down due to the full moon. He had to stay in the bed but it had worked. "She still needs time to heal internally. And when she wakes up, there will no doubt be psychological trauma. It'll be a long recovery but a recovery nonetheless."

James nodded in understanding. He hadn't moved from the chair next to Rose's bed except to take a shower. Tonks had threatened to Imperio him into doing it if he ended up smelling as bad as he had last time Rose was unconscious.

He had barely slept since the incident. At first, he had made an effort to sleep. He had broken his leg and was only going to get better with rest. Only whenever he closed his eyes, all he could hear were Rose's screams.

He was able to get a Dreamless Sleep potion from Pomfrey but he could only have it a certain number of times and he had used it for all its worth.

"You should try and get some sleep, mate," Sirius suggested as he sat across the bed from Rose. He moved the blanket so it covered the scars on her arm. Whenever James caught a glimpse of them, he would disappear within himself, not saying a word to anyone.

The others had left, leaving the three of them alone in the room. Not that Rose was really there. Not fully, anyway.

"No point," he replied, resting his chin in his palm.

"Prongs," Sirius said, his tone far more stern than he usually tended to take. "Stop blaming yourself."

"It is my fault," James countered. "If I had just let her go like she had asked-"

"Then she would have gone there on her own and she probably wouldn't have gotten out."

James sucked in a breath. Sirius made sense, to an extent. Rose only saw the stupid toy because he had tripped and pulled her down with him.

"This isn't good for you," Sirius informed him. "You can't keep blaming yourself for everything that happens to her."

"It's my job to protect her," James replied simply. "It's my job to make sure nothing like this happened to her and I failed. Stop wasting your breath, Pads."

Sirius let out a breath of defeat and stood up. "I have to get to class before Moony throws a fit. You should come too."

"I'll pass."

Sirius smiled tightly, patting his friend on the back, "I'll bring back the notes for you."

It came as a huge surprise to the staff at Hogwarts when Sirius Black's attention span in class had gotten significantly better. He had started paying very close attention to the words that came out of his teachers mouths and began writing them all down.

On some days, he would even sush his fellow classmates which was normally something done to him.

Eventually, however, word had gotten around school about what had happened to James and Rose and they all seemed to come to sort of understanding. They even offered Sirius their own written notes for him to copy.

As soon as classes were over and it was time for dinner, the three Marauders raided the kitchen despite the house elves protests and carried arms full of food to the infirmary.

James rarely ate any of it.

"Lily and I broke up," James announced as the boys began to distribute the food. The only one that appeared surprised by the news was Peter but James was far too out of it to notice. "It was before I went to Hogsmeade. She said that she had been thinking about it for a while and that it was time that I told Rose how I felt. How I really felt."

"And did you?" Remus asked.

James frowned, "I didn't get the chance." He shook his head slightly, "She told me she loved me."

"She was right there..." he trailed off, his sight set on the word carved into her arm. "The whole time...all I could think about was how I didn't get to say it back."

Sirius hesitated for a moment, "She knows."

James looked up in surprise, "What?"

"You told her," he explained, "At the party the first day back. You were drunk and on Veritaserum but you said it."

James's eyes widened slightly, "I - I thought that was a dream."

He shook his head, "It wasn't."

"I'm such an idiot," James groaned as he pressed his fist into his head.

"I'm inclined to agree," Rose muttered and James's head shot up. "I'm glad you're finally self aware."

Sirius stood up from his seat, "We'll leave you two to talk." He nodded his head for Remus and Peter to follow him out and they did.

"You really know how to throw yourself a pity party," Rose informed him as she slowly turned over to face him. She hissed slightly but shook her head slightly, ignoring the pain. "You can be quite dramatic, Potter."

"I thought I had lost you."

"I'm too stubborn for that," she pointed out. "You of all people should know that."

"How long were you awake for?"

She shrugged, "Doesn't matter. I heard everything you guys were saying anyway."

"Everything?"

She nodded, "I'm sorry about Lily."

"Don't be," he shook his head. "The world has a way of righting itself."

Rose closed her eyes for a moment, the memory of pain washing over her. She opened her eyes to find James watching her in worry. "Relax, Potter," she sent him a soft smile, "I'm fine."

She tucked the arm with the engraving closer to her chest and he noticed. He took her other hand in his, "I'm sorry. I should-"

"Stop," she requested. "Don't say you should have stopped it or done something or that it should have been you. If that were the case, I would have been a right mess and your pity party would look like child's play. It's not your fault."

He nodded but it was clear he hadn't believed her. She squeezed his hand gently before shifting over, "Come here." He hesitated before she tapped the bed with her palm, "Please?"

He let out a breath before standing up and carefully joining her in the bed. Rose wrapped her arm around him and he rested his head on her chest, slowly wrapping his arms around her waist.

Rose rested her head on his and she fought down the tears that were threatening to escape, "I'm okay, James. We're okay."