"It was absolutely nothing. I had no ties. No bittersweet memories. I was leaving nothing behind. Never experienced companionship, never been in love. And in that moment, all I felt was loneliness and regret."
But there's always a first time..
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''Tequila, I'm sorry but we're going to have to leave the beer for another day.'' I looked at him feeling bad ''You and...?'' He motioned towards Harry's house, I sighed and nodded, he looked at me surprised and then put his hands in his pocket. "I'm sorry, I thought you were single." He walked away a little, now I know it wasn't just his way and I was wrong, he really was flirting with me, I felt so stupid for not having realized it under all the charisma he had ''Well, I'm going to enjoy my last night in London, then.'' He smiled and I nodded ''Have fun!'' I smiled and hugged him before walking towards Harry's door.
I knocked twice before someone answered, I saw the door open but Harry didn't waited to see me, I went in and followed him to the kitchen, where he was putting a plate of food in the fridge ''Harry, I'm really sorry, I completely forgot.'' I said sadly looking at the table and saw that everything was organized for both of us, there were flowers in a vase and wine, I watched Harry lean against the sink counter, with his back to me. He was wearing a black shirt, tight around his body, enough to show his silhouette "I can just turn off what I feel." I heard his voice, I looked down and closed my eyes, unable to imagine being away from him again and I knew that if he ever did that, there would be no going back ''I did it for 30 years, alone.'' He continued, taking breaks between the sentences ''But I don't want to do it..'' he turned to look at me, I approached the table and sighed sadly ''I may never have been with someone, but I'm not stupid.'' this time his voice was more serious ''I don't think you are, I should have told you, I forgot we planned dinner.'' I looked down feeling guilty, I knew Harry didn't have much time to plan this kind of thing.
''But remembered eating with someone.'' He looked at my pretzel ''I sent several messages, none of them I received a reply to.'' After hearing that, I looked for my cell phone in the bag ''Damn.'' I saw all the messages on the cell phone ''It was on mute, I must have forgotten to turn on the sound.'' I approached Harry ''You forgot everything! Even...'' he went silent when he saw that he had raised his voice too much, I stopped beside the wall and at that moment, I know I was wrong because I would die if it were the other way around ''At least you were warm..'' He referred to the coat over my shoulders before and walked towards the stairs ''Harry!'' I took his arm but he didn't stop ''You're being unreasonable!'' I said and was startled when he slammed his hand against the wall ''You don't understand!'' He said loudly, I was silent observing his actions, he was looking at me angrily, I couldn't lie to myself that the scene wasn't turning me on ''You are jealous.'' I said ''Yeah, obvious!'' he spilled out the words ''Harry, nothing happened and nothing was going to happen!'' I said calmly, being sure of my words, he took a deep breath coming back to reality ''I'm sorry.'' He looked down ''Tomorrow, lunch at the waterfall in the park a few kilometers from the HQ.'' I said dropping my pretzel on the table with my bag and he stood looking at the floor with his hands on his hips ''Trust me, you know very well who I am.'' I said knowing he was being too irrational to think it would be in my nature to betray someone's trust, if it were like that i wouldn't be where i am today.
He looked at me and nodded, agreeing with my date ''But I enjoyed seeing that angry side.'' I smiled, running away from the pointless subject of earlier ''I know, I noticed it in your eyes.'' he licked his lips and lifted his head looking at me ''I love my job.'' I approached him, holding the collar of his shirt ''Every day I get to see you punching someone, tying them, seeing your body in action imagining everything that is underneath this clothes." I started to open his shirt, he was silent still in the same position, looking at me from above "At the end of every mission, I want to bring you to bed, but I control myself." i opened all the buttons on his shirt and I looked him in the eye "You weren't supposed to tell me that." He smiled, embarrassed, I watched his bare chest and even after having seen it several times, I was still surprised at how much his body was perfect and while looking at that complete package in front of me, of beauty, friendship, love, sex, everything, I couldn't believe I had so much luck ''Come here...'' he whispered and picked me up, I hugged his hips with my legs and was taken to the bedroom, where I stayed until morning.
