"It was absolutely nothing. I had no ties. No bittersweet memories. I was leaving nothing behind. Never experienced companionship, never been in love. And in that moment, all I felt was loneliness and regret."
But there's always a first time..
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I took up the box that contained my books and put it on the sofa, I felt a strong pinch in my womb and I sat taking a deep breath, I was already tired of so much cramps ''Are you okay?'' Egssy asked as he saw me sitting ''Yes.'' I spoke in a sigh, Egssy dropped one of the boxes and approached ''I'm having period cramps, more than the usual. '' I looked at him, who held my hand ''It's better to stop for today, we're already working for hours, let me and Harry finish it.'' He kissed my forehead ''Thank you. Oh, and Egssy...'' I said, he sat next to me ''Would you go with me to the doctor? I don't want to worry Harry.'' I said knowing that he would make a big deal of this if he knows 'Sure!'' He smiled kissing my hand ''Now.. Go rest, soldier!'' He ordered, I let out a giggle ''Yes, sir.''
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I went into the doctor's office while Egssy waited for me on the outside, I explained about my two-week bleeding and explained about the exaggerated cramps, she requested an immediate blood test and I needed to wait more than 20 minutes sitting inside the office, which only left me more nervous ''There are some variations.'' the doctor entered the room and sat infront of me studying the exam result ''Is everything okay?'' I asked nervously ''Your level of progesterone is very low, much more than usual, that explains the bleeding, which also leads to the loss of nutrients, blood and defenses of your body.'' She continued ''I think it will be news, I do not want to scare you or anything but you are pregnant.'' she finished the phrase leaving me without response, after having given me all the previous news, now this. I felt the chair float on the floor, I closed my eyes and shook my head not wanting to believe in that, not that way.
''Pregnant?'' I asked, still without opening his eyes, Harry's image came in my head ''Yes, I believe that by the exams I requested after, it's 7 weeks." She said and soon I touched my belly, a feeling of disability hit my chest, knowing that I was not providing what is necessary for the human being that was growing inside me. I got up running out the office going straight to the bathroom and throwing up all my nerves ''Are you okay?" I heard Egssy outside the door, my vision was blurred and I never felt so nervous and incapable in all my life. When leaving the bathroom I took Egssy with me into the office, where I explained everything that was happening and asked if there was any way to solve all this ''If your hormone levels return to normal and your body produce vitamins and sufficient nutrients, it is possible that everything can work out.'' She said writing on a paper ''I will prescribe several daily vitamins as well as doses of hormone, to be applied in the thigh or arm every day in the morning..'' She said, Egssy squeezed my hand '' The risk of abortion is high until the fifth month of pregnancy, but if everything normalizes in your body before that, we can hope that everything is going to be fine. But I need you to rest for 2 months and take exams every week to evaluate your state.'' She spoke handing me a prescription containing several medicines names with hormones and vitamins ''My God..'' I said starting to cry ''Hey..'' Egssy touched my back ''You don't need to think about this now, we talk about this at home, relax.'' He got up ''I know it's a shock, but try not be stressed, It's the worst thing you can do right now.'' The doctor warned, I nodded and got up, I was going to hate all tuesdays from now on.
Upon entering the car I started to cry instantly, I knew that Egssy was speechless, if it was not enough being pregnant, having that a risk pregnancy made everything even more complicated ''Harry can not know about this!'' I looked at Egssy's "And when your belly grow up let's say what?'' He asked with a sarcastic tone ''If it does...'' I said cleaning my tears ''He's your fiancé!'' Egssy said ''I can not deal with this now... not now, it's not good news to give to your fiancé.'' I said sobbing ''You know Harry, he'll blame himself, it's going to be so difficult.'' I felt my world crumble right there "You are the one that matters, you have to understand that.'' Egssy pulled me for a hug and I cried for almost an entire hour in his chest ''I'm going to take it off.'' I said scared ''No!'' Egssy spoke angry picking up the cell phone ''If you repeat this, I will call Harry.'' He threatened, I would never do that but at that moment of terror I needed something to calm my nerves ''This following week, you will take the medicines and then we tell Harry.'' He wiped my tears ''You promise not to tell if I lose the baby?'' I asked looking in his sad eyes ''I promise, if it happens, would be our little secret.'' He kissed my forehead and hugged me again, i know he would tell hut I appreciated his intention on making me feel calm and not alone, ever.
While the boys kept organizing the house while I stayed at Harry's old place, since we haven't moved in into the new house yet, I managed to fool Harry saying I was having a hard strong period cramps and needed to rest, every day Egssy came to see me and give me the medicines and vitamins, also the injections, so Harry did not see all the medicine bottles. The bleeding had not stopped any day ''Somebody's going to tell me what's going on?'' Harred said angry standing at the door of the bedroom, Egssy was sitting on the edge of the bed while I was lying down ''What you mean?'' Egssy said ''Every day you come stay with her at the exact same time, she's pale as snow and all this after that fucking doctor appointment!'' He spoke loudly, my heart was beating faster and I felt a strong pain in the belly making me squirm ''Harry! Please calm down!'' Egssy got up afraid that I would get too nervous, Harry looked at Egssy scared, i would feel the same if I realized someone was hiding something from me ''Please.'' He repeated managing to make Harry relax ''What's going on?'' Harry looked at me, I started to cry immediately he walked quickly to the bed ''It's okay, just tell me what happened..'' Harry said softly yet nervous ''I'm pregnant." I said watching his face turn white as paper ''And... It's possible that I will not make it..." I said feeling my tears running down on my cheeks, he closed his eyes and kept a serious expression of pain, finally understanding the situation.
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