"It was absolutely nothing. I had no ties. No bittersweet memories. I was leaving nothing behind. Never experienced companionship, never been in love. And in that moment, all I felt was loneliness and regret."
But there's always a first time..
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''You are unbelievable...'' I said smiling when I saw Harry come in the door with breakfast on a tray ''Celebrating the last day of rest!'' He smiled, I sat on the bed and helped him put the tray infront of me ''Thank you.'' I smiled and received a kiss on the lips ''The best coffee in the world is yours, I mean it!'' I smiled as I took a sip of Harry's cappuccino, which he made every morning step by step, he smiled at me ''I need to go.'' He stood up and I knew that Merlin had called him ''Can you see if my new glasses are ready?'' I asked ''Sure, darling.'' he kissed me on my forehead, I giggled at the sweet way he called me and went back to drinking my coffee.
I got up to shower and thought about putting on some Harry T-shirt, so I took a deep breath still feeling my chest ache as it expanded, opened Harry's wardrobe and looked at his clothes. I ran my hand over the fabrics, his smell filled my nose, I smiled to myself and opened one of the big drawers, which had ties, socks and right in the corner there was a key, I looked around inside the wardrobe and found a drawer locked. My curiosity was greater than me, I felt a little apprehensive about opening something that was locked, since I didn't know much about his past, but when I opened it it was more surprising than any other feeling. There was a basket, with condoms, lubricant, a tie and a small Moleskine notebook, the drawer wasn't very big but it certainly contained interesting things for Harry, not that I thought he was a virgin but I haven't seen him with any woman since I became an agent.
''Sorry, it's been many years..''
I heard his voice in my mind echoing, but how many years...? I took the condom package and opened it, it contained about 10 or 15 units, the box said it was 30 in total, I took the notebook and flipped through the pages, it was an agenda, it contained numbers of people organized in alphabetical order, are all those....? "My God, Harry!" I said to myself feeling my stomach turning and a strange feeling as if I had been deceived in a certain way, but I was the one who chose to believe that Harry did not had sex before, and everyone really. I closed the drawer, keeping the agenda with me and put on my shoes and decent clothes, I walked slowly to my house taking the necessary time because it still hurts any impact.
I went up the stairs slowly and into the house, I haven't been here in a while since Harry has been taking care of me all this time at his house. I walked up to my room and sat on the bed with the notebook in front of me, started to search the names and phone numbers and found mostly women between 30-40 years old, I rubbed my face and took the time to count how many names were on the agenda but I stopped counting when it got to number 30. I couldn't be surprised by that, it would be less than 1 woman a year, but I knew it wasn't just 30, and why he kept it on an agenda? How disgusting. He seemed like a pervert, and in the end he was afraid to be alone? Is that why he stayed with me?
I looked at the ring on my finger and took a deep breath, I knew he really liked me, but how long will take this ''lifestyle'' to knock on his door again? I needed to understand all of this.
