"It was absolutely nothing. I had no ties. No bittersweet memories. I was leaving nothing behind. Never experienced companionship, never been in love. And in that moment, all I felt was loneliness and regret."
But there's always a first time..
We decided to move on without keeping any memory of the baby, after all I felt that he was not really ours, it was too early to have created any kind of connection, although the last 2 months have been difficult for me. I was still trying to understand and assimilate what had happened, of course I didn't say that in front of anyone but I allowed myself to do 4 therapy sessions to make sure I was facing the situation in the best way possible. I can't deny that the situation made me excited about having a child with Harry, but it was too early in our relationship and for me, but he was already getting too old and the risks were increasing, and I also didn't know if I would be able to have a baby or if this could all repeat.
Harry decided to keep any emotion inside him, Egssy told me that he found him wiping some tears alone in the kitchen a week after the event. Everything was a big shock for all of us and each one would assimilate as best as possible, exactly as we were trained, Harry commented with me his desire to have a child a few nights later but realized that I did not want to have one so soon and the difficulty that it would be because of our work, and also we had many things to achieve before that, I know that he must have commented on this to make it clear that the bad news was not the pregnancy itself but the situation. As I expected, he spent the whole month giving me all the attention possible and all the affection in the world, so that I wouldn't feel alone or sad, and it really saved me during this whole recovery process. But my fear of losing Harry grew, almost like a phobia, my love for him had doubled and I was becoming more and more in love with that man.
We finally moved in to the new house that month, bought some new furniture and decorated the house, I left the office for Harry to organize on his own with his butterfly collection. I sat on the floor at the office organizing the papers and looked at Harry placing the newspaper pictures on the wall, perfectly aligning each one. I smiled to myself watching his body from top to bottom, he looked at me and smiled ''What is it?'' He said continuing the work ''Nothing.'' I giggled ''You are the only person in the world who has me made him feel naked even when I'm fully dressed." He smiled at me "Too shame you're dressed! You wear these tight clothes, these fancy pants, white shirt into the pants, sleeves pulled up to the elbow, this vest, and I know what's underneath...'' I raised my eyebrows smiling, he kept looking at me and cleaning the glass of the frame on the table "I always thought it was my intellectuality that made you fall in love." he spoke with a silly smile on his lips "You know very well that my initial intentions were physical." I chuckled ''I didn't knew you were capable of being so honest!'' he chuckled raising his eyebrows. We hadn't had sex since the miscarriage, I took my time recovering, the sex frustration in me was growing every day, and having a man like Harry Hart inside the house, just for me, always tidy, clean and willing, is a difficult mission keep my hands off him.
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