-mentions of depression and suicidal tendencies-
Yeosang
I stared at my reflection fixing up my newly dyed black hair and outfit constantly. God this was nerve-racking. As usual, I saw every single mistake and blemish I possibly could pick at. "I'm breaking out again.." I sighed poking at my face softly.
I pulled down my shirt a little, sighing. "I need to lose weight..." I frowned, despite the expression being the cause of wrinkles.
It's been a week since the occurrence at Seonghwa's and we had since then set the date for tonight. I had been stressing over it ever since we set the time.
God. When was the last time I went on a date? Maybe in high school? If even that. Was Seonghwa as nervous? What if I do something wrong? Should I just cancel? He'll realize I'm not worth it at the end anyway. "Fuck me..." I muttered.
I got startled by the doorbell ringing and I scrambled to the monitor near the door. On the camera, I could see Seonghwa standing outside. He looked amazing even through the bad-quality door monitor. "I'll be out in a second.." I said through the monitor and instantly a bright smile spread onto the older's lips. "Okay." He hummed.
I grabbed my phone and wallet before pulling on my shoes and heading out of the door. "H-Hi..." I said when the other man turned to me. Seonghwa smiled. "Hey. You look good." He complimented and I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks. "Thanks. You too."
"The hair suits you." I waved my hands a bit. "Stop it..." I mumbled quietly. The older chuckled and nodded his head. We started heading out of the building.
"Oh r-right," Seonghwa said as we got outside. Did he... Did he just stutter? Cute. "Yeah?" I asked, turning to him. The guy handed me a rose. "I bought this.." he said. I reached to take the flower. "It's so pretty... Thank you."
"I figured you don't like big fancy restaurants, so I thought we could just go buy some snacks from the nearest store and go to the park...?" Seonghwa suggested. I nod my head, trying to hide the surprise about him taking my social issues. "That sounds good.." I hummed.
I looked down at the elder's hand and chewed on my bottom lip gently before grabbing it carefully. The guy instantly intertwined our fingers. "You could've just said you wanted to hold my hand." He teased, squeezing my hand gently. "Zip it.."
We got to the store and started looking for snacks. "I'll go pick out the drinks. Do we want soda or alcohol?" I asked. Seonghwa thought for a moment. "Get both." And I nodded in agreement, knowing it wasn't a good idea to get piss drunk.
I walked over to the drinks while Seonghwa went to get different snacks.
Eventually, we met back up at the cashier. "I got beer and coke for the both of us since I don't exactly know what you like..." I said quietly. Seonghwa pat my hair. "That's fine. I like them, anyway." Seonghwa assured and set down the snacks he picked out. It included some chips and jellies. Also a few onigiri triangles. "Are those okay?" The older asked and I nodded my head.
After paying, which Seonghwa insisted on him doing, we headed to the park where the whole group had last hung out since it was close by.
"So..." I started quietly. "Why did you start liking me?" I mumbled out the question. I heard Seonghwa hum lowly. "I don't know. Something about you was... Intriguing..." He stated and I had to let out a snort.
"I must have left an impression that night.." I joked slightly. "Definitely. It's not every night I have a cute person soaked in rain come in." He responded calmly. "Though, I still wonder why you were outside without an umbrella." He continued.
I looked down slightly ashamed about what happened that night. Seonghwa clearly noticed the change of mood in me. "I guess... It wasn't a good night..?" he asked quietly and I nod my head. What if he would judge me if I told him. A soft sigh came out of me.
I guess, if we were going to date or at least even try, we should share these things. "I... It... It was a bad day... Worst one in a while.." I mumbled out. I felt him grab my hand again. "If you're not comfortable..." I shook my head interrupting his sentence. "You... You should know. I need to be honest if we want this to work out" I stated.
I cleared my throat. "I... When I was 13 I was diagnosed with severe depression." I mumbled. It wasn't something I was ashamed about, but I definitely didn't talk about it much. I often just let it mellow in my head.
"I've been to therapy, used many kinds of medications but it's still very much a part of my life... That night... I.. I'm sorry if this is too gruesome but it's the only way I can let it out honestly.. I was ready to just give up." I admitted. Seonghwa stayed quiet and I instantly regretted opening my mouth.
He definitely won't like you now. He realized that being with you will just be a chore.
"I know you saw the scars that night you were over at mine for the first time... I appreciate you not mentioning them.." I let out quietly. A shaky breath fell out from my lips. "And if this makes you change your mind on dati..." Seonghwa stopped walking, making me stop too since he was holding onto my hand.
Suddenly I was pulled against his chest. I tensed up for a second before relaxing to the hold. "I'm glad you changed your mind that night." The guy said softly, tightening his hold. "This world gives shit to the people who deserve it the least..." I pressed my face against his shirt and let out a deep breath. "And no. I'm not going to leave you alone just because of a mental illness. We'll just deal with it together."
I felt tears sting my eyes. "You're..." "Too sweet? I'd like to say I'm just a decent person.." Seonghwa interrupted me. I raised my head to look at him. "I'm sorry, this got sad real quick.." I mumbled and the older smiled at me. "It's good to open up. And like you said, we need to be honest if we want this to work.." Seonghwa said and brought a hand to pet my cheek.
"Should we go sit down?" The older suggested and I nodded my head. We walked a bit until we found a bench to sit at. Instantly Seonghwa dug out the onigiri triangles and handed me one of them.
After eating and just talking for a while, the older's phone started to ring. The guy dug it out from his pocket. "It's my mom." He stated. I nod. "Pick it up." I encouraged him and took a sip out of my coke.
I swung my legs a bit. The park was a bit empty since it was getting late but there were some teenage friend groups around. "Hi mom," Seonghwa spoke into the phone, his voice soft. "No, I'm not busy. What's up? Are yo... Are you crying?" The older's voice turned worried real quick. I turned my head to look at the guy. His eyes were laced with concern and the guy shuffled a bit. "Okay.. I'll be there in a few... Bye..."
The guy put the phone down and I watched as he squeezed the device. "Are you okay?" I asked. Seonghwa swallowed and nodded. "I need to go to the hospital..." He responded quietly. "Do you want me to go or come with you?" The older seemed to think about it for a solid moment before he quietly said.
"Come with me, please.."
~~~~~
i guess you can finally say that tHe ShIp HaS SaIlEd. i'm sorry.
ALSO ATEEZ' PERFORMANCE OF WONDERLAND ON KINGDOM OH MY FUCKING GOD. SPEECHLESS. HONESTLY
