— TW —
suicide attempt
flashback
August 12th 2016
Hopeless. Yeosang felt absolutely hopeless standing on the school's rooftop, cheeks stained with tears. The want to throw himself down was massive and it would only take a few easy steps. The call of the void as it was called in some cases, even if it wasn't always connected to suicidal intentions. It would finally end everything. His pain most of all.
The past weeks have been a pain. Even if he was free from his parents' clutches, he felt lost.
The teenager tried his best to accommodate himself in Seoul. His new classmates were nice but he couldn't bring himself to actually make friends with them; his mind kept telling him that they actually we're just pretending to be nice. He would only be a burden to anyone new. That's what he had always been.
Yeosang took a step closer to the edge. Would his parents miss him if he died? Definitely not. They threw him out without considering it even once. What about the friends he grew up with? They probably already forgot him.
A moment later the door to the rooftop busted open, making Yeosang jump in surprise. The brunette looked behind him to see a boy on the phone. "Yea. I'm there. Where did you leave it?" His loud voice echoed in the air. Yeosang swallowed bit and turned back to look down at the awaiting pavement. Maybe the boy wouldn't notice him if he stayed quiet.
"Hyunsuk, I'll call you back.. Yeah. Bye."
"Hey... You should get down from there." The boy spoke, his voice not so loud anymore. It had gone soft, if not fearful. Yeosang shuffled on his feet, turning towards the other boy. "Why?" He asked, his voice slightly shaking. The brunette brought his other hand to wipe a few stray tears off of his cheeks.
He recognized the boy from his class. Jung Wooyoung, aka. the sweetheart of the school. He was even the fucking class president. He was popular amongst students for his looks and nice personality. Wooyoung wouldn't even hurt a fly.
"Think about your family? What would they think..?" Wooyoung asked, stepping closer hesitatingly. It was clear he had never been in such a situation. Why should he have? It probably was not common for a classmate to be willing to hurl themselves down from the roof of the school building.
"They wouldn't even care.." The brunette shot back. Yeosang sniffled softly and looked away. "No one would." He took a shaking breath. "I have no one or nothing to live for anymore..." he says taking a small step back. The other student steps closer at the same time, eyes wide.
"Don't come near me!" Yeosang demanded, making the other stop.
"Please. I want to help you! You're the new student in my class, Kang Yeosang, right?" Wooyoung asked, clearly thinking carefully of his wording. The boy nods despite not seeing the point in answering. It wouldn't matter for long anyways. He'd be another name on an unkept gravestone.
"I wanted to talk to you but never got the chance... You'd always run off by yourself when you got the chance and I could never catch up with you.." Wooyoung said carefully taking another step towards the crying male. Yeosang's eyes scanned the other. He sounded sincere.
He only shook his head. "It doesn't matter anymore... It's too late for me.." He whispered inching backwards.
Wooyoung wasn't going to give up. He had seen the new boy around, always alone and in his thoughts. "Listen. I'll give you a reason... I swear." He promised and extended his hand, wanting the other to grab it. Yeosang looked at the hand hesitantly before letting his eyes wander back onto Wooyoung's face.
"You'll just leave too. You'll eventually see that I'm not worth it." Yeosang said while watching the boy move closer slowly. "Wooyoung, you'll see that I am a waste of space here.." he continued, clearly holding back another set of tears.
You could hear it from his tone. Yeosang was shattered to small pieces yet Wooyoung was determined to pick up each one and put them back in place.
Wooyoung finally noticed how close the brunette is to the edge. One wrong move and it would all be over. Without thinking about it, he took a few running steps to the edge, grabbed the boy by his wrist and pulled him down. It was a rushed movement and if it had gone wrong Wooyoung wouldn't have known what to do.
The two teenagers fell down onto the rooftop with Yeosang on top of the other. The other couldn't help but to let out a sob against the other's chest. Wooyoung held back his tears and carefully wrapped his arms around the crying boy.
"Did you hurt your hand in the fall?" Wooyoung asked after both stayed quiet, with the occasional sniffles from Yeosang. They were now sitting apart from each other.
Yeosang's eyes wandered down to his hand, that was slightly scuffed from scraping against the coarse rooftop. "Just a bit... It's not bleeding so it'll be fine.." He responded quietly and hid his hands in his lap.
Silence fell between the two once again. Wooyoung was completely lost as to what to say while the other boy was mulling in his self-loathing.
"You probably have much better thing to do that to be here... You were on the phone earlier..." Yeosang mumbled and looked down. He was likely holding the other guy back from going out with his friends.
"It's fine. Everyone else can wait. I'm not leaving you alone." Wooyoung responded, moving closer to the other. "I honestly don't know how to comfort you. I've never had to do or deal with anything like this, so I'm sorry." Wooyoung said with a smile. Before Yeosang could speak up the boy continued. "But I want to be there to comfort you, if and when you need comforting... I don't want you to stay alone with your thoughts and never wanna see you here like this again."
Yeosang glanced at the other. He wasn't bullshitting him. The brunette had to look away in order to not break into a fit of sobs again. "But why?" Wooyoung smiled softly.
"Because I think you're worth it."
~~~
maybe feeling slightly emotional atm, maybe not.
call of the void - in french: l'appel du vide
describes this impulse to hurl yourself into, well, a void. While unnerving, it's actually a pretty common experience
