warning: this chapter includes suicidal behavior and a suicide attempt. you have been warned.
Yeosang
I stared at the calendar on my phone. The day I had marked down.
I'm tired.
Maybe Jaejoong was right. In the end, no one cared. At least that much.
Seonghwa had asked if I was alright but I didn't have the heart to tell him. He'd feel guilty for not seeing the signs. Even if he did succeed in the end... It was selfish... Very much so. At least some people would say it's selfish.
I really did appreciate the good morning text I got from Seonghwa... I guess he could be called my boyfriend. He had helped me feel a bit lighter, even if that feeling was consumed by the hell that was my head
And I know this won't solve my issues. Maybe just move them to another person.
But I can't anymore do this anymore. I thought I was getting better. I oh so hoped so. I wanted to be better. But Jaejoong's appearance was the last straw. He cut the strings I held onto.
Would they miss me?
I could only hope. I know Wooyoung might blame himself. Hell, Seonghwa too. But they'll move on right? I was just a bother to them. Wooyoung had San now. They were doing fine and even if I was gone, he'd have someone around.
I closed my phone and got out of my bed. It was already 2 pm but it was normal to lie in bed on your day off, right?
I wanted to say that I'd be fine and change my mind but I couldn't.
I walked over to the desk in my room and grabbed one final last envelope. I had given one to both of the two people around me. The only ones I had the heart to give them. They deserved an explanation.
The last one was for my family. Mom, dad... Jaejoong even. Not that they'd care anyway even when it arrives. It will probably find its way to the trash before anyone even opens it.
If anything, they might be happy that I was gone. Jaejoong at least would be. He said he didn't want to come around anymore and this way he would be assured that he wouldn't have to see my face anymore.
I grabbed a hoodie, pulling it on covering the new red marks that had appeared on my arms. I really didn't want to go outside, I didn't have the energy. But I had to get the envelope to a mailbox.
I dragged myself through the apartment, pulling on my shoes and not even bothering to tie the laces. It didn't matter at this point.
Exiting the apartment, I greeted my neighbor who had happened to come out at the same time. She was always kind to me. In a way, she even felt like a mother. When I first moved here she always came by, giving me leftovers from their dinner. "How are you doing?" She asked me and I gave her a small smile, covering the wreck of feelings bubbling in my head. The question almost made me cry.
"I'm..." I struggled, breaking eye contact. "I'm okay." I then said, lying through my teeth.
I wasn't okay. I would never be okay. I couldn't be saved.
"I saw a boy come out of your house last week. Is he your boyfriend?" She asked. Seonghwa? I nodded a little. "Yeah, he is." "That is sweet. I'm glad you have someone with you. I have to run off now. I'll see you later." I nodded at the older woman, following her with my gaze as she made her way to the elevator.
I walked to the stairway and started heading down. I could have used the elevator too, but it would have meant I might have had to talk to her more. I didn't want to.
