Blood Sweat & Tears: A BTS Story ✅

Chapter 32: The Decision

My stomach has been in a constant state of turmoil since we had the day off in Italy. A week has passed and even though I made my decision, I'm a coward and haven't had the courage to tell Jin and Yoongi about it. They have been dutifully ignoring me. So much so that there is now tension loose in the air, hovering and lurking around all of us. Jungkook was the first to notice. Jin who is normally so fun and free has been tight-lipped and strained, even with the other members of the group.

"Hyung, why are you acting so weird?" Kookie had asked a couple of days into the looming silence that had been engulfing us on the bus for a couple of hours now.

"I'm just tired." He told the youngest, ruffling his hair in an attempt at normalcy.

Jungkook swatted his hand away, attempting to fix his perfectly imperfect hairdo. "You've been really tense lately, I think you need to get laid."

Not an unusual comment between members but Jin's reaction is what alerted the others to hint of a problem blossoming.

"I don't need to get laid! Mind your own business and your elders!"

With that, he'd stomped off to the back lounge and slammed the door, the only sound in the bus the whoosh of the road and the lock clicking into place.

We all sat there stunned for a moment, and then Namjoon stood and moved like he was going to go to Jin and inquire what was bothering him. Yoongi stopped him before he could get far. The shorter man didn't even make eye contact as he headed towards the back of the bus instead. Knocking on the door and speaking low enough that we couldn't hear him over the roar of the bus. The door opened, Yoongi went inside and the lock went back into place.

I didn't dare move lest I draw attention to myself. I was also too afraid to turn and look at the others, worried about what I would find on their faces. Namjoon the most. I knew that he knew something was wrong, and I'd worried my face would give everything away.

"Let's just give him some space," Namjoon suggested, "He'll come to us when he's ready."

We all went back to our respective activities after that, but the tension settled and festered and continued on ever since.

Jin still hasn't talked to any of the boys about what happened that day. I know because I can see the way they all sneak looks at him, wonder and concern in their eyes.

Jungkook at one point approached Yoongi about what happened, worried that his words had really upset the eldest member. Yoongi assured him that his words were not the epicenter of Jin's mood and Jungkook relaxed a little after that.

I know that I'm running out of time. The longer I wait, the longer I risk ruining the mood of the group. But I'm also afraid that once I tell Jin and Yoongi my decision, the tension we've all been feeling might only get worse. I know that I have no right to be worrying about myself, I'm the one that caused all of this to happen. I'm the one to blame if things go badly. I think what I'm most afraid of is the aftermath. That my choices can cause a ripple effect and damage something that was so perfect and break it irrevocably.

~~~

We're in London now, a longer stop on the tour than we've had previously. The boys have a couple of interviews to do, and a few talk shows to attend. A concert stop but also a press stop.

Finally being back at a hotel and having more privacy and alone time away from the boys is just what I needed. I think telling them my decision while we are all a little more separate than when we're on the bus together is the best choice and opportunity I'm going to get.

Richard deciding to fly in and help with the press stops was not a part of my plan.

Originally he wasn't, he had wanted me to field this press stint on my own. His showing up has less to do with his lack of confidence in me and more with him deciding that now is the perfect time to negotiate the UK rights for the book the boys have coming out next year.