Deepest Treasured Fantasies

Chapter 28

"You're four weeks pregnant."

I can't be pregnant. Hindi ako buntis. Hindi ako pwede mabuntis. I'm on pill. I'm on fucking pill.

"I'll prescribe you, prenatal vitamins and follic acid." Kanina pa nagsasalita ang OB doctor ni Penny pero hindi magawang intindihin ng utak ko ang mga bagay na sinasabi niya. "You also need to have your first tetanus shot today."

She handed me the prescription paper. I bit my lower lip. You're four weeks pregnant. Napapikit ako't pahikbi.

I shook my head and clenched my fist. "I can't be pregnant," I finally shriek, tears are running on my face. "I'm on pill."

Ilang beses kong inulit sa doctor ang mga salitang 'yon habang umiiyak. Hanggang sa maramdaman kong pumunta siya sa'kin at lumuhod sa harapan ko.

She pats my leg and place her hand on my arm. "Hey, alam kong hindi madaling tanggapin ang bagay na ganito. I checked it twice, you saw the black and white picture a while ago, right?"

I don't even know what to think. "Hindi ako pwede mabuntis, please, tulungan mo ako hindi ako pwede mabuntis." I said erratically. Masakit na ang mga mata ko kakaiyak. Tumayo ang doctor at binigyan ako ng bottled water.

"Calm down, drink this," binuksan niya 'yon at pinainom sa'kin. "May kasama ka ba?" she glanced around.

"She's outside." Nagpaalam sa'kin si Penny may kakausapin lang daw siya sa phone.

The doctor steps forward with a warm smile. "Listen, we ran some test to check your blood, " Kinuha niya 'yong papel sa desk at may pinakita sa'kin. "See this, your HCG level is elevated," kinuha niya 'yong ultrasound report. "Despite of being extremely tiny in size, that's your baby."

I stared on the paper and cried again. "How? I'm on pill." I took a deep breath when I realized that four weeks ago I got sick and had an unprotective sex, also missed a pill but ..

"Nagkasakit ako, the doctor prescribe me an antiviral drugs, then I missed a pill and had sex, pero nagtatake na ulit ako ng pills bago," My voice trailed off. "Possible ba na mangyari na hindi gumana 'yong pills dahil nagtatake ako ng ibang gamot?"

I need to know, kailangan kong malaman kung saan ako nagkamali.

"It could be, but there's just a 1% chance out of a hundred." the doctor explained.

"Or was it because I skipped a pill?" I asked her again.

The doctor gave me a warm expression, halata sa mukha niyang gusto niya ako tulungan. "Pwedeng na missed mo then you had sex then you took it as normal to get back on track, pero hindi nagkaroon ng effect since you're taking high doses of antiviral drugs."

My jaw gapes as I try to reconcile the words that she spoke. "It's my fucking fault then."

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. "Wala kang kasalanan, okay?"

No. If there's anyone in this world that shouldn't be allowed to have kids or be pregnant, it has to be me. Hindi ko marunong mag-alaga ng bata, hindi ko nga alam kung paano kumain ng healthy, sanay akong nagpapadeliver lang. Ano na lang mangyayari sa'min ng anak ko?

"Here," kinuha niya 'yong prescription. "Kailangan mo 'to inumin para sa baby mo, okay?" hinawakan niya ang braso ko. "Naniniwala akong kaya mo."

We both glanced on the door. Pumasok si Penny, kasama si Aimee. Bakas sa mukha niya ang pagkagulat.

"Hi, Nurse Aims," bati ng doctor. Siguro kilala siya dahil nasa St. Therese Haven kami. Mga ilang minuto bago makarecover si Aimee.

"Hi, Dra. Sullivan," tumingin siya sa'kin, napaiwas na lang ako ng tingin. "May..may," she cleared her throat. "May kailangan bang gawin, Dra?"