Deepest Treasured Fantasies

Chapter 32

[I'm sorry, you what?]

I took a deep breath and turn to the other side of the bed. "I was hospitalized for a month, like almost two months."

Isang buwan at mahigit na ang nakakalipas nang ma-ospital ako, I was diagnosed to have Hyperemesis Gravidarium, I've been on a roller coaster ride.

Akala ko, doon lang matatapos pero nang malapit na 'ko ma-discharge, my doctors withhold the order because of my blood pressure. Later that day, they've diagnosed me with Pregnancy Induce Hypertension o Gestational Hypertension.

My hormones are mess, my pregnancy is a mess and I can't stop myself from spontaneously bursting into tears. Sabi sa'kin ng mga nurses, may mga first time mothers daw talaga na hindi hiyang ang unang pagbubuntis. My mommy even begged the doctors to save me and my twins, kahit na sinabi naman ng doctor na managable naman ang ganitong conditions.

[At wala kang balak sabihin sa'kin, Tasha? I'm your freaking friend. Hindi ka sumasagot sa mga texts at tawag ko.]

I sighed. "I'm sorry, okay? Nagpapahinga lang ako para bumalik ang dati kong lakas."

Simula nang makauwi ako, hindi ako pinapalabas ni mommy at daddy ng kwarto. Lumalabas lang ako ng six to 10 o' clock in the morning, para magpaaraw. They are also very keen with my medicines lalo na si Aunty.

[Come on, fill me in, Tasha. Anong nangyari?]

Huminga ako ng malalim at i-kinwento sa kanya ang lahat.

[Omg, your pregnancy is really giving you a hard time,] she sighed. [Hindi maganda ang combination ng genes niyo.]

A familiar dull ache came all over my chest. "He's the main reason why I'm experiencing these things."

[But you let it happen.]

I closed my eyes and felt irritated. "Says the friend who specifically told me na akitin or sayawan mo ng woman ni doja cat bachata syle."

Tumawa siya ng malakas. [Yeah, I remember that, pero hindi ko naman sinabi sa'yo na masyado mo damahin 'yong lyrics na "Come papa, plant your seed and I told you na stay away from him.]

There's a minute of silence between us before she spoke. [How are you holding up?]

"I'm fine and getting better." Lies.

I'm longing and in pain, sometimes I think I shouldn't feel the way I do. Naiisip ko siya lagi, there are so many what ifs but not of them are making sense anymore. Paano kung sinabi ko sa kanya? Narito kaya siya sa tabi ko? Pipiliin ba niya ako, pipiliin niya ba kami ng kambal?

I always think of him. Siguro pinaglilihian ko siya. May be I was not the only one who's longing for him but our twins as well.

Come on, vamanos! Everybody, let's go! Come on, let's get to it. I know that we can do it!

"Talia, hindi ko alam sa kakambal mo kung anong trip niyan sa buhay kung hindi 'yong baby na kalbo at nagsasalita ang iniiyakan ay iyan, na-buang na siya."

Who do we ask for help when we don't know which way to go? We ask a map!

"Pati 'yong kastila na palabas na may magagandang lalaki at babae, iniiyakan habang pinapanood. Wala namang nakakaiyak sa mga paghahalikan at pagsisiping nila."

I was watching this show on repeat, hindi ko alam kung bakit pero nawawala ang stress ko at medyo nag-eenjoy din.

Tumawa si Talia. "Baka na-iingit lang, Aunty."

[Earth to Tasha?]

"Ano ulit 'yon?" tanong ko sa kanya.

[As I was saying a while ago, Aimee was worried but she doesn't want to let you know, so she asked me to be your shrink.]