Something New

Part 22 : Erica

Kelly realized she stopped mid sentence and even if his mind was just racing. And his heart feeling all types of emotions, he asked

"What's wrong?" he got close to her.

"Nothing i am ok" she said as she sat on the couch. "I want us to keep talking please, i owe you this"

"I'm not sure i want to go through this" he said a bit emotional himself, he sat on the floor in front of her.

But she felt so bad seeing him like that, she hadn't stop crying herself. So she got down and sat with him, she knew it was hard on him but keeping it to herself made her feel worse. And maybe it was selfish but she thought he deserved to know.

"I'm sorry and the last thing i want is to make you feel bad, but i hate myself for all of that. And I believe it's only fair to you for me to be truthful" she explained.

"So how am I supposed to live, knowing that you had sex with this guy and you liked it?" He said a bit disgusted.

"I did. I guess i just let things get to my head. I thought i was really helping everyone, and protecting you guys. But turns out i might have damaged more than me, Sky is not ok. And this is all my fault, Bianca is dead because of me and you" she looked at him "you, i am hurting you and this is the last thing i want to do"

"I don't understand tho" he said trying not to let his emotions get the best of him "how were even able to enjoy this, don't you moreso feel relieved he is dead. Or do you still reminisce, are you missing him. Are you sad that he died?"

She took a deep breath, Kelly was making some good points "that's why i said it wasn't fair to you. The same way his kiss impacted me, the same way well you know" she couldn't bring herself to say the words properly.

"The same way you enjoyed him fucking you" he said a bit pissed and sad.

"Yes, so much" but seeing his face was bringing more tears to her eyes "I don't know if his death affected me, i mean i feel numb to it. I guess after so many years of thinking he was dead and now finally it be true, it's just feels like i can now forever have him gone of my mind"

"Are you sure?"

But she knew she wasn't sure "no, but this is why" it took her strength to say what she was about to say "this is why I can't hold you back and ask you to understand. I can't do that, you have been a dream come true. For both our babies and me" she took his hand in hers "i have been thinking about all this and i want you to live your life. Meet someone new, fall in love again"

His voice was breaking "but how am I supposed to love anyone else but you"

"You can do it. You deserve someone to love you not someone who the minute-"

But he cut her off, he knew she was about to to talk about Manuel again "don't say that. Should i take this as a sign that you don't love me?"

"No no" she said softly as she grabbed his face "my love for you is out of this world and because of this i can't let you live with the burden that i am, and that i'll probably be for a while"

"But i love you, you're the mother of my kids and we could work through this. I can't lie it hurts me deep, i just can't stop imagining him putting his penis inside of you. And you just enjoying it, did you moan the same way you do it with me" the question was hurting him.

"Not the same way but i did-" she replied to him.

"Is he better than me?"

"Kelly don't do that please. Don't torture yourself over me"

Truth was she'd rather torture herself and leave everyone out of it.

"I can't help it, i have so many questions. I wonder if you'd have stayed with him, at the end of the day you didn't hesitate to go with him. Were you happy to find him again, would you have willingly had sex with him even if he hadn't beaten you or maybe you did and-"